attending with love to the everyday

Here's a Hauerwas quote that I've been thinking about today... on one of those ordinary days.

"...there is no substitute for learning to be a Christian by being in the presence of significant lives made significant by being Christian....
Significance suggests importance... lives that make a difference and that demand acknowledgement. But the lives of significance I began to notice were not significant in any of those ways. Rather, they were lives of quiet serenity, capable of attending with love to the everyday without the need to be recognised as 'making a difference'."

- Stanley Hauerwas
Hannah's Child: A Theologian's Memoir p95

A community is....

"A community is the mental and spiritual condition of knowing that the place is shared, and that the people who share the place define and limit the possibilities of each other's lives. It is the knowledge that people have of each other, their concern for each other, their trust in each other, the freedom with which they come and go among themselves."

— Wendell Berry

tired hands at the end of the day...

"There is no menial work. Jesus came not as a philosopher, not as a general. He came as a carpenter." -Tim Keller

I sometimes think that Jesus most likely had tired hands at the end of a day of work. I love this thought - that somehow the idea that he knows what that feels like...

2 prayers for my life in the physio world this year -

"May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us--yes, establish the work of our hands." Ps 90:17

and

Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee. Take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise. Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.

a poem for the new year

We travelers, walking to the sun, can't see
Ahead, but looking back the very light
that blinded us shows us the way we came,
Along which blessings now appear, risen
As from sightlessness to sight, and we,
by blessing brightly lit, keep going toward
That blessed light that yet to us is dark.
-Wendell Berry
Given - New Poems 2005

work & dreams

It’s transition time again! I’m starting a physio job (temporary!) soon so I’m finishing in the wee nursing home I’ve been working in. Besides wrecking my back, it’s been good & I have enjoyed being able to help take care of people well. Definitely have had a sense of satisfaction in it for which I’m thankful and I might be back depending on physio job outlook! For now, I'm excited to start my first physio job! :)

I’ve been reading a few different books recently... one of them, Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places, was recommended to me by a friend on a climb up Ben Nevis in the summer, but I’ve only just got around to reading it. It has great insights as to how what we believe can shape everyday life... the glorious outworking of faith in creation, history & community. A couple quotes...
“God’s great love and purposes for us are all worked out in messes in our kitchens and backyards, in storms and sins, blue skies, the daily work and dreams of our common lives. God works with us as we are and not as we should be or think we should be. God deals with us where we are and not where we would like to be...” p75

Peterson also talks about the idea of ordinary life lived in light of eternity but I found the way he explained this so helpful:
“...ordinary time... is a gift through which we participate in the present and daily work of God... end time influences present, ordinary time, not by diminishing it or denigrating it but by charging it, filling it with purpose and significance. The end time is not a future we wait for but the gift of the fullness of time that we receive in adoration and obedience as it flows into the present...”

Today, I’m thankful for purpose in the daily work and dreams of my common life...

no ebb, chill or change...

O love that wilt not let me go
I rest my weary soul in Thee
I give Thee back the life I owe
That in Thine ocean depth its flow
May richer, fuller be.
-George Matheson

"Beloved, nothing shall take the love of Christ from you, or separate you from it. It does not ebb with the ebbing of your feelings; it does not chill with the chill of your affections; it does not change with the changing scenes and circumstances of your life." -Octavius Winslow

I'm loving the changing colours of the trees these days... even if it is bringing with it the cold and the darker evenings. But in this time of transition for me, I am reminded of the never-changing love of God.

happenings and happiness

It’s been an amazing summer and I haven’t even left this wee island... I feel like it might be coming to an end soon but yet it’s just the beginning of all that’s next, which is also exciting. But the sun is still shining today which makes me think maybe summer is going to hang around for a while longer.

As I sit here typing, I'm realising I’ve kind of missed this wee venting space actually.

For those of you who want an update, I have graduated and for now I’m staying in Belfast. I’m on the hunt for a physio job but actually not too stressed about when that might appear. In the meantime, I’m starting work soon in a wee nursing home that I’ve worked in before. It’ll pay rent, keep me semi-connected to the caring/healthcare world, get me off the dole and keep me sane all of which can only be good things :)

I feel like I’ve seen more of Northern Ireland this summer than ever... random day trips (in between job hunting!) are so much more appealing with Sam and a convertible. Can you tell I’m in a good mood today? I am. For various reasons:
1. Just went for an hour long run (endorphins!) and didn’t die
2. I have a faithful God
3. I have another few weeks to chill, read, run, climb ben nevis & hang out with people until my job starts (blame the police checks...)
4. The sun is shining
5. I’m in love.

See, i’m not sure whether a return to blogging when I’m in this kind of mood will be good for the world. I suppose it’s to balance all those slightly depressed introspective blog/quotes I’ve posted over the last few years :)

Just to fulfil my quote quota for the day...
“There is a kind of happiness and wonder that makes you serious. It is too good to waste on jokes.” –CS Lewis, The Last Battle

one that sings

The Real Work by Wendell Berry

It may be that when we no longer know what to do
we have come to our real work,

and that when we no longer know which way to go
we have come to our real journey.

The mind that is not baffled is not employed.

The impeded stream is the one that sings.

_____________
this poem seemed kind of relevant to me today. on another note, i'm thinking about making a blogging comeback.... hmm....

hope's daughters

"Hope has two beautiful daughters; their names are anger and courage. Anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they do not remain as they are."
-St Augustine (HT: peter)

the promise

"The Christian faith, as I understand it, is not primarily a matter of signing on for the proposition that there exists a Supreme Being, but the kind of commitment made manifest by a human being at the end of his tether, foundering in darkness, pain and bewilderment, who nevertheless remains faithful to the promise of transformative love."
-Terry Eagleton, Reason, Faith & Revolution

update

I feel like I owe an explanation as to why I dropped off the blogging world for a few weeks... first, I'm no longer needing to blog for revision procrastination.... as no more revision :) and i met a boy... i think that sums it up. But I'll be back... unemployment = lots of thinking/reading time in between filling in delightful application forms...

realm beyond words

"Not everything has a name. Some things lead us into the realm beyond words... it is like that small mirror in the fairy tales – you glance in it and what you see is not yourself; for an instant you glimpse the Inaccessible, where no horse or magic carpet can take you. And the soul cries out for it." -Solzhenitsyn, Nobel lecture 1970

bright sunshiny day...

Waking up in Castlewellan Castle on Sunday morning (looking out the window at the breathtaking sunshine on the Mournes) was followed by great teaching on grace, good craic and a lovely drive back to Belfast. I crashed a sunny & chilled BBQ in the afternoon (complete with badminton and my fabulous wee nephew!).

Then I got a chance to hear the legendary journalist John Pilger being interviewed by William Crawley in downtown Belfast. Very interesting discussions - I seriously could have sat and listened to him all day.... just an incredible amount of experience and understanding of the historical/political dynamics in different parts of the world (obviously from his perspective, but is a very interesting one!) He’s deeply cynical about a lot of things, including the future of independent journalism, Obama, possibility of resolution of Israeli/Palestinian conflict, the UN in its current form etc. He was also very critical of British and US foreign policy, while being optimistic about developments in South America. He said he was most proud (in a humble way I think) of keeping going over his long career, and also having the chance to give a voice to people who needed one. Very inspiring guy. One quote of his (not from last night, although he did say this indirectly):
“It is not enough for journalists to see themselves as mere messengers without understanding the hidden agendas of the message and myths that surround it.”

Followed up by spontaneous chat over good coffee.... you could say it was the perfect day.... And the sun is STILL shining :)

fool's paradise?

I’ve been thinking about travel recently... probably due to future decisions but also from various things I’ve read in the last few weeks on blogs/in books:

Chesterton: “He who travels to be amused, or to get somewhat which he does not carry, travels away from himself, and grows old even in youth among old things... Travelling is a fool's paradise.”

Emerson: “Our first journeys discover to us the indifference of places. At home I dream that at Naples, at Rome, I can be intoxicated with beauty, and lose my sadness. I pack my trunk, embrace my friends, embark on the sea, and at last wake up in Naples, and there beside me is the stern fact, the sad self, unrelenting, identical, that I fled from... But the rage of travelling is a symptom of a deeper unsoundness affecting the whole intellectual action. The intellect is vagabond, and our system of education fosters restlessness. Our minds travel when our bodies are forced to stay at home.”

Andrew Sullivan (who quoted the guys above) puts it this way: “Seeking new superficialities at the expense of familiar depths is a neurosis, not an adventure.”

While I understand where these writers are coming from, reading these quotes just goes against everything I thought growing up. Travel is sort of in my blood and my philosophy is usually with Augustine who said: “The world is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.” I have treasured the opportunity to live overseas and travel some... but I think especially in the first few years I was back in Northern Ireland, I had a sense that people who had never been out of Northern Ireland could never begin to understand me or the world; looking back it probably was me that was being narrow-minded by putting people in boxes. I’ve come to realise it’s more about whether people think about the world/things outside themselves rather than whether or not they’ve travelled. And to be honest, short-term teams and sun holidays often do little to broaden horizons – (although seemingly living somewhere else can make an impact on creativity).

Then I read this yesterday:
“I’m sure that some people serve the Lord well as they buzz around the world for six months at a time. And I’m sure some young folks are making a difference for Christ as they float from job to job and place to place. But I’m equally certain that many of these same individuals are actually making self-centred decisions in the name of experience, cultural diversity, and sometimes, I hate to say it, under the guise of short-term missions.... My fear is that of all the choices people face today, the one they rarely consider is, “How can I serve most effectively and fruitfully in the local church?” I wonder if the abundance of opportunities to explore today is doing less to help make well-rounded disciples of Christ and more to help Christians avoid long-term responsibility and have less long-term impact.”
P36 Just do something, Kevin DeYoung

Anyway, food for thought. Don’t think the itchy feet will ever go away but just trying to make a case to myself for the other side of the argument...

laughter and forgetting

Just finished an interesting book that has so many quotes that I want to try and get my head around. Milan Kundera's The Book of Laughter and Forgetting sounds lovely and rosy... but most of it is anything but. I've been thinking about this quote...

“Graphomania (a mania for writing books) inevitably takes on epidemic proportions when a society develops to the point of creating three basic conditions:
(1) An elevated level of general well-being, which allows people to devote themselves to useless activities;
(2) A high degree of social atomization and, as a consequence, a general isolation of individuals;
(3) The absence of dramatic social changes in the nation’s internal life....
But by a backlash, the effect affects the cause. General isolation breeds graphomania, and generalized graphomania in turn intensifies and worsens isolation. The invention of printing formerly enabled people to understand one another. In the era of universal graphomania, the writing of books has an opposite meaning: everyone surrounded by his own words as by a wall of mirrors, which allows no voice to filter through from outside.” P127

Could you substitute the writing books with writing blogs?? Useless activities? Isolation? Wall of mirrors?

Although it is talking about life in communist Prague, reading the following cynical quotes I couldn’t help thinking about the conversations in Irish/UK politics at the minute about the abuse and expenses scandals...

“...like all political parties, like all peoples, like mankind...they shout that they want to shape a better future, but it’s not true. The future is only an indifferent void no one cares about, but the past is filled with life and its countenance is irritating, repellent, wounding, to the point that we want to destroy or repaint it. We want to be masters of the future only for the power to change the past.” P30
“The struggle of a man again power is the struggle of the memory against forgetting.” P4

Anyway, not sure if I’m recommending the book (as slightly disturbing) but definitely thought-provoking.

end of an era

So, it’s the end of an era. Thankfully. I endured, I mean enjoyed one last night of the Bot... the centre of the Belfast student world (and you thought it was a university?), along with the bizarre conversations you have when your friends are wasted. I felt like I wanted to go and just see my class people one last time before we all scatter/emigrate/etc. The night began at a mad house party in the notorious Holylands (where council people arrived mid-party to tell us to shut up – rightly so...). And then to Lavery’s (?!) to hear a culchie band from Co. Tyrone who are friends of friends... not my cup of tea but was amusing! Then to the Bot where it was lovely to see everyone, but you had to shout in each other’s ears or else be content with the smile and nod approach... although to be fair, we all were saying the same thing ie: good to be done, what are you doing next (no idea) etc, so you could get away with the nod/smile even if you couldn’t hear!!! I lost my voice in the process though. Give me a quiet pub any day. Maybe I’m just getting old. Then about 12ish, a friend and I decided to head to another classmate’s house for a couple hours to catch the end of a quiet barbeque, beer and chat with a random mix of interesting people – much more my cup of tea. It was a good, celebratory night in the end, even though I started out dreading the Bot part - it is still a whole different culture that I have never come to properly appreciate and don’t think I ever will but sometimes when in Rome and all that....

I have made a few good friends that I hope I can keep. Sometimes friendships are easy when you see people most days for four years.

And so to the start of summer, the month of research for one of my lecturers in June (not quite away from the university yet, but at least it’s paid!) graduation no2 and then to whatever’s next!

In the short term, 2 books just arrived in the post and Donegal is beckoning... not a bad start to the rest of my life.

prayer is...

the soul in paraphrase, heart in pilgrimage.
(George Herbert)

I've been mulling over this line for a couple weeks and I love the imagery both ideas portray... one of imperfect, spontaneous even rambling expression, trying to communicate something of our worship, desires and confusion to our Creator. The other of journeying with purpose (and often with others) - looking back along the road with tired feet and weary minds, yet with wonder and thankfulness; looking forward with humility and a sense of dependence for each step, seeking guidance and grace along the way....

ordinary sunday...

"Sometimes I have loved the peacefulness of an ordinary Sunday. It is like standing in a newly planted garden after a warm rain. You can feel the silent and invisible life. All it needs from you is that you take care not to trample on it." (Gilead)

emotions: positive v negative

I found this Atlantic article on happiness so interesting.... (thankfully the conclusions are mostly not easy pat answers... ie: we're complicated!!) but here's one part of it:

“...positive emotions make us more vulnerable than negative ones. One reason is that they’re future-oriented. Fear and sadness have immediate payoffs—protecting us from attack or attracting resources at times of distress. Gratitude and joy, over time, will yield better health and deeper connections—but in the short term actually put us at risk. That’s because, while negative emotions tend to be insulating, positive emotions expose us to the common elements of rejection and heartbreak.”

It makes me think of two other thoughts:

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." CS Lewis

And from Foy Vance’s Two Shades of Hope...
“Now hope deals the hardest blows
Yet I cannot help myself but hope”

For some reason I’m more hopeful these days... I think it’s because I’m just about to enter a new chapter of life, which fits with what the article says about positive emotions being more ‘future-oriented’... but it does sometimes seem wonderful and terrifying in equal proportions.

random reminiscing

I had a lovely dinner last night with 6 random people from my Queen’s days... random but in a good way! It’d been five years (almost to the day) since I’d talked at any length to most of them so we had a proper catch up and put the world to right.... everything from cheesy jokes and legendary quotes... to conversations about the beauty/struggle of ‘doing life’ with the people around us. In a letter my friend sent organising the dinner, she said it was to “mark these past five years... and freely look ahead with hope and faith for the next five years, longing for more of what God has for us all and this land...”

We’ve all gone in different directions, from designing sewage works, to teaching physics, to training to be a minister, to the Belfast music scene, to Newry solicitor, to getting married/engaged, to journalism, Kansas and back again, (to *ahem* still being a student)... but it was great to just touch base, even if it was a bit of an unlikely group of people round a dinner table!

Here’s to the next five :)