tell me the story

I want to echo the words of this song over the next few days.

'Sit with me and tell me once again
Of the story that's been told us
Of the power that will hold us
Of the beauty, of the beauty
Why it matters...'

(sara groves)

advent whispers

On this crisp winter’s morning
Waiting for a train.
Gazing in the direction of its coming -
Anticipating.
An announcement over the tannoy,
A promise of imminent arrival.
Train stopping – for me...
Stepping in, finding a resting place.
Waiting again –
But now with a destination.
A new perspective through train windows
In an ever-changing, fast-moving panorama.
A fresh sense of wonder at the beauty
As sunlight breaks through grey over Belfast.
Stopping only to bring others along on this journey...

I heard whispers of advent this morning.

Gilead

I just finished a book tonight called Gilead. I was one of those books I didn't really want to finish because I've been meandering through it a few pages at time over the last few weeks and I just wanted to drag it out a bit longer. I loved it. It's a book about beauty, grace, memories, family, love... mixed in with thoughts on age, death, regret, heartache, loneliness... It's written as a letter from a old pastor to his young son as he approaches the end of his life.

Here's a couple quotes I read tonight... (it's not all this intense!)

"There is no justice in love, no proportion in it, and there need not be, because in any specific instance it is only a glimpse or parable of an embracing, incomprensible reality. It makes no sense at all because it is the eternal breaking in on the temporal. So how could it be subordinate itself to cause or consequence?"

"There are two occasions when the sacred beauty of Creation becomes dazzlingly apparant, and they occur together. One is when we feel our mortal insufficiency to the world, and the other is when we feel the world's mortal insufficiency to us. Augustine says the Lord loves each of us as an only child, and that has to be true. 'He will wipe the tears from all faces." It takes nothing from the loveliness of the verse to say that is exactly what will be required..."

"Theologians talk about a prevenient grace that precedes grace itself and allows us to accept it. It think there must also be a prevenient courage that allows us to be brave - that is, to acknowledge that there is more beauty than our eyes can bear, that precious things have been put into our hands and to do nothing to honor them is to do great harm. And therefore, this courage allows us...to make ourselves useful."

Anyway, read it if you get the chance. It's was the perfect book for a night like mine - a quiet night in a cosy room with christmas lights. It made me laugh, cry, think and hope. The best combinations.

belfast city

I'm feeling hopeful tonight...



My church has a new pastor and he wanted this song played for his induction service tonight. My God is the God of this city that I've come to love... this song just resonated with new beginnings as a church and also with advent - to be able to look forward with expectation...

knowledge?

I read an article today trying to fight the voice in my head that’s telling me systematic reviews that have conflicting conclusions are completely pointless and discovered this random quote to ponder on a chilly winter’s evening:
“When you know a thing, to hold that you know it, and when you do not know a thing, to allow that you do not know it – this is knowledge.” –Confucius

Just thought I’d share :) I'm sure you're glad I did...

my hometown needs healing

I can't get my mind off my hometown of Jos, Nigeria. It's deja vu for this town - political/tribal/religious riots again have cost the lives of hundreds. I keep having flashbacks to September 7, 2001 when riots broke out in my senior year of high school (and 1000+ were killed). The gunshots, the army tanks firing, the smoke across the city, the not knowing what was happening over the wall or across town, the curfews, the burnt cars and buildings etc. It says on the news today that the hospitals are struggling to cope so I'm picturing the hospital in Jos where I've been over the last few summers - full of people needing medical attention... My mum is there today trying to help now that things are quieting down.

Why again? Why does life seems so cheap? Why does the world barely seem to notice?
I'm feeling helpless and far away. The daily routine somehow seems a little meaningless compared to the reality of people in Jos who have lost loved ones, homes and livelihoods etc.

On this first day of advent and on world AIDS day... my dad wrote from Jos in a quick email this morning - "Jesus is risen with healing in his wings..."

scribbled notes and old photos...

I learned something about my grandfather this week. I knew he was a man of God and man of prayer, but I think that I missed out on a lot of his wisdom by growing up 1000s of miles away from him. He died the year I moved to Belfast. This week, I raided his bookshelf (a trait I picked up at home). The thing I've discovered (which I love) is that my granda's theology books are full of wee scraps of paper and backs of envelopes that he scribbled notes on as he read, which are still scattered through the pages. I feel like I'm retracing his steps, seeing what resonated with him as he read. It makes me wish I had known him better.

One scrap reads, "the danger of introspection p19..." which led me to this marked quote:

"Our thinking about who we are as Christians should not begin with what we can discover about ourselves by self-analysis. Rather, it begins with what God says about those who trust in Christ."

Sinclair Ferguson's Children of the Living God

And underlined and written again at the top of the first page of the next book is scrawled, "union with Christ is the root of holiness" in J.C. Ryle's Holiness.

Speaking of the past... loads of old images/photos (from 1750s on) from LIFE have now been added to google... Here's one from belfast in 1941:

A view showing the junction of Royal Avenue and Donegall Place with the City Hall in the background. Photographer: William Vandivert

africa is a continent

Well, the US election drama, along with my constant need to be up-to-date with the latest political twist, is over and my life is returning to normal. It’s great. This video made me laugh though.


I’m sure there is probably a withdrawal feeling, although sad if in reality people put all their hope/trust in a person or political cause. I think the most amusing thing after the election was reading facebook statuses… which ranged from despair and resignation to overstated elation among my friends. I’m not going to wade into who I thought was best candidate, but with the latest information I’m glad Palin is nowhere near the white house: She didn’t know Africa was a continent?? Honestly, no comment. Obama’s win does feel historic and I have to admit I was moved to tears in the wee hours of Wednesday morning (although, I’ll usually cry if I see someone else crying so with Jesse Jackson etc, it was inevitable!).

Anyway, bring on change… even if the world’s not quite sure what that’s going to look like…

confession

I’ve been told confession is good for the soul, so here goes: I have election fever. I’m just a LITTLE bit hooked on what’s going on in the US presidential election. I just find it all so interesting... it’s just the drama of it and every day has a new twist that is torn to shreds with the pontificating analysis and over-analysis by the political blogosphere and media. For example, I stayed up to watch 3 out of last 4 debates (which is something I probably shouldn’t admit to). I’d like to say it was all worth it, but I guess I just wanted to watch the debates in real time, without the media spin the day after. Sad, I know. It’s kind of like being addicted to the west wing except this is the real deal. But sometimes, I think it might as well be a TV series to me for all the impact it actually has on my life... and the sooner it’s over, the better it will be for my dissertation (and general sanity).
Although, I was in the library for 8 hours today. That might be a record for the semester so far and there must be many more days like it as pay back for time spent reading political blogs... It feels like history in the making though... (yada yada - excuses, excuses....)

Too bad that NI politics does nothing to inspire me at the minute... probably should pay a bit more attention to what’s going on here these days besides the policing and justice who-ha/standoff. Guess we’ve had our fair share of drama and history-in-the-making over the years.
Ok, confession over. In the meantime, any suggestions for how to treat election fever are welcome!

3 highlights

3 highlights from the last few days...
1. Watching a film called 'Black' - amazing. You definitely should try to see if you get the chance.
2. Foy Vance live: all I can say is wow. Such a good night - loads of banter mixed in with the soulful depth in his lyrics/voice. Old and new stuff. Brilliant. The best way to start a week i'd say - definitely good for my soul.
3. Blue skies and sunshine ALL DAY today... wahey!

poverty and TB

These photos make me think about a patient from my few weeks in south africa... he was a quiet, subdued kind of guy... although maybe it was just he was fed up with hospital. He had TB which had affected his spine, so couldn’t move/feel his trunk or legs at all and found it impossible to change positions or sit up on his own. He was in a side room, isolated from everyone else in the ward for obvious reasons, staring at the ceiling all day. He always asked to be covered with about 4 blue hospital blankets because of the cold. I ventured in daily, complete with my mask, gloves and apron to do some passive stretching and repositioning – wearing the mask made me feel like I couldn’t communicate properly with him, couldn’t have a proper chat face to face, couldn’t smile at him...

The one thing I remember him saying was he couldn’t wait to leave the hospital and get back to the smaller community TB facility (where he had been before) - the main reason was he had people he could talk to there... there he didn’t have to be in an isolation room...

To me, the prevalence of TB is one clear example of the impact of poverty - when it is essentially treatable/curable. I know multi drug resistant TB is a different story, but the reasons behind its emergence also can be linked to poverty and the lack of adequate / consistent health care. And this is only one disease. I just wonder what the impact of the current global economic crisis will now have on things like the MDGs and the fight against poverty...

sense of wonder

Driving across town this evening Radio 4's series of The Color Purple just happened to be on and this quote just jumped out at me:

"Well, us talk and talk bout God, but I’m still adrift. Trying to chase the old white man out of my head. I been so busy thinking bout him I never truly notice nothing God make. Not a blade of corn (how it do that?) Not the color purple (where it come from?). Not the little wildflowers. Nothing."

It's so easy to get caught up with my theoretical views of who God is and what it all means that sometimes I miss the obvious things around me declaring his glory. It made me think of the Brennan Manning quote in The Ragamuffin Gospel....
"By and large, our world has lost its sense of wonder. We have grown up. We no longer catch our breath at the sight of a rainbow or the scent of a rose, as we once did. We have grown bigger and everything else smaller, less impressive. We get blasé and worldly wise and sophisticated. We no longer run our fingers through water, no longer shout at the stars or make faces at the moon.... We get so preoccupied with ourselves, the words we speak, the plans and projects we conceive that we become immune to the glory of creation."

(just one of the many glorious south african sunsets - plettenberg bay)

love has come

This is a song by Sandra McCracken. I remember hearing her during my first year in belfast - she was singing at a wee halls gig with her husband, Derek Webb. But i haven't really listened to any of her music since. Came across this song today and i just like some of the words... especially verse 3...

how long you have travelled in darkness weeping
no rest in language, no words to speak
but there in the wreakage beneath bricks and bindings
love has come, love has come for you

against the night sky of your waiting
your face is like starlight when he walks in
everything worth keeping comes through dying
love has come, love has come for you

so lift up your heart now, to this unfolding
all that has been broken will be restored
here runs deep waters for all who are thirsty
love has come, love has come for you...

Here's a link to her myspace if you want to hear it - it's called ten thousand angels.

emotions

I had a great conversation over coffee with a friend today. We were talking about many things, but we started discussing emotions and faith. The psychology-freak in me probably makes me over-analyse on this one! This is what we discussed: I wonder if sometime we think that negative emotions are always seen to be a bad thing that we have to get sorted in order to be right with God/people? Do we say I’m down/angry/depressed at the minute, but I’m trying to get back to normal... (what is normal? coming from a psyc degree, we’re all on a spectrum anyway!) And sometimes, don’t you think that it is often our deepest, negative emotions that ultimately can draw us closer to God and point us to real hope. Maybe that sounds like a contradiction, but it’s just been something I’ve been thinking about over the summer too. It stems from two books I’ve just read: The Consolations of Theology which looks at various topics such as anxiety, depression, obsession, disappointment, pain etc from the perspectives of some great theologians, and The Cry of the Soul by two guys my dad studied with (here's one review). Some quotes to help explain what I mean:

“Anxiety is not something to flee from; but it is here, in the midst of the anxiety that is built into the fabric of our fallen world, that we can hear the promises of the gospel most sharply. It is here I am summoned to believe, to stake my all on the Son of God who loved me and gave himself up for me. -Kierkegaard

“In an important sense we must despair of all else in order to wholeheartedly rely on Christ and what he has done for us.” – Martin Luther

“Despair is an absence of hope – a loss of desire in the face of disappointment in relationship. Oddly, however, this difficult emotion can open the heart to grasp something about a hope that transcends mere human relationship. Despair can open the heart to taste hope in God.” Allender & Longman p145

“Don’t assume that resolving your turbulent emotions is the key to meeting God. It is actually within the inner mayhem of life that a stage is built for the intrusive story of His light and hope. The absence of tumult, more than its presence, is an enemy of the soul. God meets you in your weakness, not in your strength. He comforts those who mourn, not those who live above desperation.” Allender & Longman p27

I guess I’ve had one of those emotion-filled weeks... mostly negative. I’m not saying we should want to cling to those negative emotions, but I think I need to realise that in different seasons, it’s normal and maybe in the midst of when I’m struggling the most, ideas like grace and hope become so much more real. It’s completely different than some of the songs I remember singing as a child: like, climb up sunshine mountain/i’m in-right out-right upright downright happy all the time... What kind of crazy theology was that??

It’s back to a Spurgeon quote to round off this thought:
“What is my desolation? It is the black setting for the sapphire of His everlasting love.”

shared lives

“We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.” 1 Thess 2:8

I love this verse. Surely this is at the heart of everything: a life of love for each other that is reflected in mission and community. It's just figuring out what that looks like that's sometimes complicated...

419 or for real?

"A Nigerian consortium planning to bid for Newcastle needs to raise an "extra £50m to £100m" to buy the club, with owner Mike Ashley holding out for £400m." (Daily Mirror)

Ok, so this is the latest in the Newcastle FC saga... I just find it so hard not be sceptical about this "Nigerian consortium". I know Nigeria/Nigerians loves premiership football... you can watch the big matches in every town with electricity and everywhere you look around town, people are wearing replica football tops - mostly ManU, Chelsea or Arsenal ripoffs. I actually could watch more premiership football living in Nigeria than I can here. But I just can't quite believe some Nigerian group is going to pay to buy Newcastle! Craziness. I guess it's probably oil money just like Man City's new owners. Just smells a bit fishy (aka 419 as we say). Time will tell but I'll be following this story with interest! I just wish someone would pour £400m into Nigerian football development.

waiting with murray

I hadn’t heard much about Andrew Murray until this summer. And I’m not talking about the tennis player. I drove past a statue of him in Wellington, South Africa this summer on a mini road trip. Then he was the answer to a random question in a South African Trivial Pursuit game played in a wee backpackers. (We played for hours huddled up outside with our blankets and hot water bottles in Oudtshoorn, SA - the ostrich capital of the world apparently... I also learned the important information that day that ostriches eat stones!) The third time Murray came up was on my dad’s bookshelf in Nigeria. I always raid my dad’s hundreds of books when I’m at home and this summer was no exception. I read a book called Waiting on God by Murray (which I discovered is only one of his 240+ books). Much of what he said resonated with me. It seems like he had such a heart for abiding in/waiting on God... Talking about waiting he said this:

“This is the one thing we need. If we but saw our God in his love, if we believed that he waits to be gracious, that he waits to be our life and to work all in us—how this waiting on God would become our highest joy, the natural and spontaneous response of our hearts to his great love and glory.”

life's checkerboard

Just back from Nigeria. Read this prayer this evening which I feel like echoing...

"Thank You that I can safely commit my location and situation to You. I can 'be willing for You to shift me anywhere on life’s checkerboard, or bury me anywhere in life’s garden, gladly yielding myself for You to please Yourself with, anywhere and anyway You choose' (source unknown). Thank You that I can trust You with my future places - ready to go, ready to stay.
So I rest in the fact that You have me in this place for this day, and I praise You that You will faithfully guide me throughout life to just where you want me to be, as I seek to do Your will.

And most important of all is my place in You. How delighted I am to have You as my dwelling place where I can settle down, feel secure and be content anywhere on earth…You are my blessed home, 'where I can enter and be at rest even when all around and above is a sea of trouble' (Andrew Murray). How my soul delights to hide in the secret of Your presence…to take refuge in the shadow of Your wings, to eat at Your table, to drink my fill of the river of Your delights. How blessed I am, my King and my God, for You have chosen me, and brought me near, to live in Your presence, to behold Your delightfulness, to seek Your counsel…And to think that I will dwell in Your house forever!” - Ruth Myers

our kind don't settle?

I'm taking off again in the morning . . . part of me can't wait; part of me was just starting to catch my breath from south africa. Sometimes I don't feel very settled... even though I've technically been in the same place for 6 years now. Maybe it's because some my friends have changed/moved country/moved on and I'm not always 100% settled in my church at the minute. I'm thankful for family that is still around (for now anyway). But, I probably haven't done myself any favours escaping the country for a few months most summers... and this year is no different. One of my friends from high school says, "Settle? Our kind don't settle." Part of me agrees, but part of me thinks it's up to me to make more effort to plant my feet and learn to grow where I'm put...

I guess I'm in over-analysing mode... don't get me wrong, I'm definitely still looking forward to the next month! Lack of internet will probably bring a lull again to this wee venting space, but I shall return... ready to plant those itchy feet (i think...). In the meantime, bring on african thunderstorms, pounded yam, crazy hospital wards, amazing alive worship on a sunday afternoon... oh and that smell (the good nostalgic type) that hits you when you walk off the plane. Who knows, the super eagles might even have a repeat of Olympics 96 while I'm there - just for me... and the other 120million football crazy people!

glimpses of grace

Today I had an “indiscriminate act of kindness” moment. I had decided to go for a bike ride while there was a wee bit of rare sunshine at lunchtime. The first half was perfect, gliding along the shores of Belfast lough, feeling slightly sentimental about this city for some reason. On the way home again, it all went a bit pear-shaped when I hit the curb trying to get out of the way of a big lorry... and my tire jammed. I thought I had bent the rim of my tire or something so thought I’d just lug it home and figure out what was wrong then. After about ten minutes of getting a bit fed up with this ‘lugging’ idea, a random guy (who looked about 80 and was definitely someone’s wee granda) pulled over in his ancient red fiesta and fixed my bike (in about 2 minutes which made me feel like such a girl...) and sent me on my way! How nice is that? I have to say, people surprise me sometimes.... maybe wee glimpses of grace.

all hype?

I've just finished the book The Shack... a book that seems to have had instant success in the US (NY Times bestseller/sold 1.7 million copies etc) and has been hotly debated all over parts of the blogosphere over the last year. It's recently been released here so it will be interesting to see if it will make any waves. I have to be honest, the only reason I read it was to see what the fuss is all about....not the best motivation! (Curiosity & controversy = successful marketing?). Conclusion? I thought it was just ok. Because I went into reading it with my sceptical hat on, I found loads of things that didn’t agree with; but maybe that meant I didn’t get into the book as a story/work of fiction. But to be fair, it is a theological perspective weaved into a very basic storyline (in my opinion!), so that’s how I read it. I appreciate some of the ideas the author wanted to put across about the God of love, the importance of relationship (not religion), not putting God in a box etc, but it only tells part of the story and I think parts of it incorrectly. I’m not going to expand – there are many, many reviews out there if you want to know more.

If people are reading it like it is an accurate revelation of what God is like and see the book as spiritual guide (ie: prayer of jabez fiasco etc), then I’m worried. If it’s another book that people read to critique / not swallow whole and to promote a healthy discussion about life/faith, bring it on. I’m not going to recommend it, but to be honest, I’m not going to say don’t read it either (unless you have no idea what you believe about anything - in that case, I'd start somewhere else!).

summerlight

I love this song - Summerlight by Steve Jones that he just released this week. Makes me think about how my brother might feel about his wee son. It’s the first song on his album Sayonara Deadweight – listen to it here... if you have a minute.

hey, i put some new shoes on...

So, I bought some new running shoes today. Hoping it’s going to inspire me to run loads with my dad when I’m back home... not sure if a pair of shoes are the best motivating factor, but saying it’ll mean getting up at 6ish to fit it into my dad’s crazy day, I need some help! Although, running with him is actually something I love about going home. Here’s a “before” picture... all pretty and clean, but it’s rainy season in Nigeria so they’ll be covered with red mud before long!

I’ve been a bit of an ‘armchair Olympian’ so far this week but somehow watching it does make me want to be more active... It’s like when the tennis is on, you suddenly have an itching to go find the nearest tennis courts and pretend you’re also as amazing. It could go either way watching the athletics next week—either I’ll be over-awed and relinquish any thought that I’m actually on the same planet. Or I’ll be inspired. I’m hoping for the latter.

Anyway, here’s to many miles in my new shoes...

imagination

I’ve decided that Spurgeon is the man... so have a few other people (check this out for Piper’s view ages ago and Driscoll’s blog recently). My wee nephew and my grandfather share/d the first part of his name which has probably has increased my interest in him, initially at least. I took his morning and evening devotional with me to South Africa and so many times I read things that just made sense for that day, even if it was written so long ago.

I have this thing about quotes (ask my family). I love them. I know it’s silly and probably it makes my own thoughts a bit unoriginal, but somehow the way someone puts a simple thought in words captures my imagination. Here’s a few from Spurgeon that I wrote down over the summer...
“Our griefs cannot mar the melody of our praise; we reckon them to be the bass part of our life’s song”
“The fig tree may not blossom and the flocks may cease from the field, it matters not to the man who can sing ‘My beloved is mine and I am His’.”
“If Christ be anything, He must be everything.”
“Ought we not to look upon our own history as being at least as full of God, as full of His goodness and of His truth, as much a proof of His faithfulness and veracity as the lives of any of the saints who have gone before?”
“Blessed are the waves that wash the mariner upon the rock of salvation.”
“Rejoice O my soul, that thou art spared to testify of the faithfulness of the Lord. The seasons change and thou changest; but thy Lord abides evermore the same and the streams of His love are as deep, as broad and as full as ever.”

there and back again...

Lack of easily accessible internet for a while has left this blog a bit neglected...but I'm back! Ok, so it’s cliché time so I should be saying things like: "It’s so hard to sum up what the last 2 months have been like...." blah blah blah. But, it is a wee bit true. 8 weeks of a glorious mix between the world of physio in a South African government hospital to the world of the Cape Town tourist. I definitely think it was the best way to capture the essence of the city (besides living there long term) - to not just be a tourist, but to rub shoulders with Capetonians from all communities via the hospital - whether that was the staff or my patients... I loved it! One thing - it was not was a “short term missions trip” and somehow a trip free from labels/definitions meant there was no agenda... I was unashamedly a tourist at times – flinging myself off the world’s highest bungee (amazing!), soaking in the sunshine where the Indian and Atlantic Oceans met, scrambling up the majestic Table Mountain etc, but I also could just live out life and faith with my friends and in the hospital. Not much different to here I guess, just a different context and culture.

So, South Africa? I could go back. Maybe. It did seem a bit like a pseudo-Africa to the one that I know and love, but I kept reminding myself that if I went to Morocco or Egypt it would feel just as foreign. I guess it was not what I knew, but that was maybe a good thing. I could talk about the stark divide between rich/poor, the political turmoil still rumbling resulting from a troubled history, the rainbow nation, the hiv/aids crisis on everyone’s doorstep, the hopes for 2010, the mixture of both divided and multiethnic vibrant churches, the stunning scenery... etc but to be honest, the question that I hate the most in relation to Nigeria has always been “what is it like?” so I’m not even going to try after only 2 months. Just go if you get a chance would be my only advice.

I’m “home” again... but I’m going “home” on Saturday for a month... (In Belfast, heading to Nigeria). Funny that. Sometimes I love having 2 homes. Sometimes I feel like neither is really home. Not sure if travel is always the best for finding a sense of belonging that I often long for, but alas... I still love it...

untravelled world

I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethrough
Gleams that untravelled world, whose margin fades
For ever and for ever when I move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnished, not to shine in use!
As though to breathe were life....

(a wee bit of Tennyson's Ulysses)

wahey! I'm heading to south africa today :)

act 1 ends (sort of)

Finally. And yet it's really just the beginning. Wisely or unwisely, I stayed up to watch the speeches last night live - it felt kind of an historic moment which would not quite the same the next morning - (like watching football highlights a day later...) The consensus? First of all, I thought McCain speech seemed pretty dull and he just grinned funnily after saying serious sentences in a soft voice - a bit unnerving actually - claiming that his change (not Obama's) was change to believe in. I still haven't figured out his strategy about whether he's going to distance himself completely from Bush or not and how it will affect his support. I know it wasn't that significant a day for him, but I didn't think he portrayed himself as 'a leader to believe in' as it said behind him. But, for some reason, I still think he could win.

Clinton's speech was hotly anticipated (and hadn't been leaked before it like the other two) - and as one commentator said, she's moving through the stages of grief-- between denial (that it's actually over) to bargaining (for vp maybe?). No concession yet - so much for unity. At times it seemed like she thought she had actually still won. Obama's speech - more of the same soaring rhetoric on a historically important day (even if not a lot of 'meat' on the bones of his policies/calls for change) and seemed far more inspiring after watching McCain earlier - but is it just rhetoric? All in all, an interesting night which the pundits will tease out as the rest of the week unfolds (and as they waiting for Clinton's next move).

I have no idea why I'm following this race so closely - but given the amount of coverage in the media here, I'm probably not the only one.

surprised by sunshine

This was the perfect way to spend a morning - reading in the sunshine at the park five minutes down the road. (so far, good book by the way...) Sometimes I think I forget that Belfast can actually be really beautiful when the sun shines...

little dreamer

So based on stocki's review and youtube/myspace listening... Little Dreamer is my lastest purchase before I leave sunny Belfast on Friday. I'm in search of new summer music before I go. Anyone any other suggestions??
Check out Beth Rowley... I find it amusing that she started her life an mk :)

AND, not just either / or

I’ve just finished a book called Why We’re Not Emergent (By Two Guys Who Should Be). Having read a few books recently by authors in the emergent movement, I felt like I wanted a different perspective on some of the things I was reading. (This book is more about emergent than emerging.) I think this book tried to give an honest critique of key issues - while commenting on many positives they are honest about some problems they see. Some things they discuss include: the idea of a journey without a destination, if doubt and uncertainty should really be seen as humility, the emergent view of modernism, the need for propositions, boundaries, and recognition of theological error, problems with “give me Jesus, not doctrine” perspective, an over-realised eschatology, the emergent view of scripture, the place of preaching, penal substitution, God’s wrath and much more. But I think they manage to join the ‘conversation’ in an often humorous, but humble way. You can check out part of the book on their website here. And here are a few reviews from various sides: Tim Challies, Dan Kimball and theooze.com.

In the last chapter (the best I think), one of the authors reflects on the churches in Revelation and highlights the need for emergent and non-emergent churches to be careful not to be lopsided churches; learning the beauty of AND, not just either / or:

“...my hope is that [the church] could be marked by grace and truth, logical precision and warmhearted passion, careful thinking and compassionate feeling, strong theology and tender love, Christian liberty and spiritual discipline, congregational care and committed outreach, diversity without doctrinal infidelity, ambition without arrogance, and contentment without complacency...I believe this is God’s vision for the church.” p257

closer than you think

I was talking to my mum today - she says that people in Jos are really struggling at the minute with the cost of basic food supplies. Most of the people that she’s meeting at the clinic can only afford one meal a day, if even. This time last year, a mudu (a bit more than a kg) of rice was only 90 Naira, now it’s N320.

I know that the price of food has been rising around the world, but somehow I maybe didn’t realised quite how connected Nigeria’s food prices are to global market. Surprisingly, fuel prices haven’t peaked as much as they have here; but the changes in the world market are definitely impacting the poor the hardest. This time of year is the toughest as well because people have only recently begun planting, now that the rains are arriving; so people are using the last of their meagre supplies from last years’ harvest before the new crops arrive. The government seems to think that it will be fine again after June, which seems unlikely given the size of the prices hikes in recent months. Maybe some of their attempts to change things will work in the short term, but being a global problem, their fate is surely in the hands of the global response. In the meantime, the prices are hitting the most vulnerable now. When I read things like this: “One SUV tank of biofuel uses enough grain to feed an African family for a year” it makes me feel a bit sick.

A place that usually feels a world away, feels that bit closer today... for once, not in a good way as our economic woes are being echoed and even magnified in the pockets of Africa's poor.

cry, the beloved country

It’s so sad to read about what’s going on in South Africa at the minute. On this day 14 years ago, Mandela said this in the opening of parliament in 1994:

"Our single most important challenge is therefore to help establish a social order in which the freedom of the individual will truly mean the freedom of the individual. We must construct that people-centred society of freedom in such a manner that it guarantees the political liberties and the human rights of all our citizens." (speech at the opening of the South African parliament, Cape Town 25 May 1994)
His dreams of a peaceful rainbow nation seem a far cry from the reality of the last week. Growing up in Africa, violence that often accompanies deep-rooted tribalism is all too familiar - unfortunately. It makes me think about this quote from Paton's great book, written about a different time. But it may still resonate this week in the fears of foreigners living in SA:

“Cry, the beloved country, for the unborn child that is the inheritor of our fear. Let him not love the earth too deeply. Let him not laugh too gladly when the water runs through his fingers, nor stand too silent when the setting sun makes red the veld with fire. Let him not be too moved when the birds of his land are singing, nor give too much of his heart to a mountain or a valley. For fear will rob him of all if he gives too much.” — Cry, The Beloved Country, Chapter 12.

After establishing relative peace and unity in government between the two sides of the community, the attacks start to become against the migrant population... does this sound familiar.. ie: here?

the beautiful game

What can I say - brilliant game tonight. Classic game of two halfs- United great in the first half, Chelsea better in the second, an equal extra time and gut-wrenching penalties. Great game for a neutral (although who is really neutral if united are playing - They're a bit like marmite: you either love them or hate them usually!) with loads of chances, hitting the bar twice (thrice including penalty), dodgey ref decisions, fights, red card, penalties and overall beautiful football - what more could you want? Halfway through the penalty shootout I thought there was going to be some bittersweet irony with Ronaldo having the best season of his life and missing a penalty and losing a Champions League final; but in the end it was Terry's worst nightmare (but who somehow didn't deserve to cry like a baby for a second's slip on a soggy pitch), an Anelka shocker (surprise surprise) and the noticable absense of the big-headed, red-carded Drogba. Another season over - the only reason I wasn't so keen on United winning tonight is that we'll have to put up with their gloating all next season that they're the best in the Premiership and best in Europe. Will Chelsea fall apart over the summer now? Or become united in defeat? Got to love football to provide some drama...

tracing rainbows

A heart at peace brings life to the body... Prov. 14:30
I’m starting on the next chapter of my year and am so excited about what the next few months hold :) I feel like somehow a sense of peace is trickling back into my life after what has been a strange and at times, stressful few months. My piano has been a major stress reliever over the last month especially and I’ve somehow been drawn to playing old hymns I think maybe because the words seemed to resonate and captured what I was thinking... and pointed me to promises:
"O joy that seekest me thru pain,
I cannot close my heart to Thee;
I trace the rainbow thru the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be."
-George Matheson, 1882

morality?

I thought that this was a terrible opinion piece in The Guardian today regarding the debate in parliament this week. I guess that’s what it is though – opinion. At the end of the article she writes with a depressing, sweeping brush implying that “religious teaching” is against science, is not progressive, does not care about relieving suffering, and that it abuses minority groups... such a misrepresentation of faith. I find it interesting that the morality argument has been taken up by both sides of the argument with Gordon Brown saying that the research was an “inherently moral endeavor”.

With the passing of the “saviour siblings” part of the bill today, somehow I can’t help but think about a book I read a few years ago called Never Let Me Go - a very far-fetched strange book by Kazuo Ishiguro which presents a hypothetical world with cloning for the purpose of providing organs. But somehow there may be echos of the same issues in relation to the ethics of someone being created for a specific purpose of the health of another person. But again in the debate today, the moral argument was used with Labour ex-minister George Howarth saying: "There is a powerful moral argument in support of the measures contained in the Bill.”

It has got me thinking about the relationship between morality and religion. Coming from my psychology background and having Dawkins’ The Selfish Gene as a core text for one of my classes has introduced me to the evolutionary perspective that generally people are dominated by ruthless selfishness (with the possible altruistic action if it benefits the individual). The question is, as I read about these politicians giving their moral arguments for these laws, it makes me wonder if it really possible to be moral without being religious or having some basis for that sense of objective morality?

In trying to think through the issues, I came across this article asking whether we can be good without God – here’s an excerpt:
“I want to argue that if God exists, then the objectivity of moral values, moral duties, and moral accountability is secured, but that in the absence of God, that is, if God does not exist, then morality is just a human convention, that is to say, morality is wholly subjective and non-binding. We might act in precisely the same ways that we do in fact act, but in the absence of God, such actions would no longer count as good (or evil), since if God does not exist, objective moral values do not exist.”

I guess would rather have a politician who is still has some sense of moral objectivity rather than moral relativism but somehow is the debate today, both sides are claiming the moral high ground.

old women over their tea?

I think I might be sort of addicted to the news. Is that strange? Do you ever watch the news in the evening and no story is actually new because you’ve read about all the day’s events already? And you’ve read the analysis of the events, not just the unbiased (ha) BBC website reporting so you feel like you’re a step ahead? It’s probably just habit - a routine, and if my life changed (ie: i left the country for a few months as I will in June...) it might change again. I don’t know why, but I just have to get my daily fix of news at the minute. My main news stops at the minute are http://www.bbc.co.uk/ (especially the Africa section), http://www.timesonline.co.uk/, http://www.guardian.co.uk/, http://www.drudgereport.com/, http://www.politico.com/, (the last two taken with a pinch of salt - obviously showing my interest in the pointless media pontificating regarding the US elections as if there wasn't already enough in the first 3 sites!). Is it just knowledge for knowledge’s sake and largely a waste of time? Generally, I don’t think so. If it takes up too much time, then yes - but I think I have a better perspective on the world and my place in it because of the news. But I know that every newspaper/news website has a different perspective and interpretation of events, some with specific agendas (many of which may be wrong)... but that doesn’t mean I should stop reading them altogether.

Henry David Thoreau's view was that "news, as it is called, is gossip, and they who edit and read it are old women over their tea."
On the other hand, Dr Pete Lowman puts it this way which I’ve found helpful:

“The newspaper may be a selective mirror, and a distorting mirror, but for many issues and events it's the most in-depth mirror we have; it gives us perceptions that are admittedly as seen from particular angles, but are still often the most in-depth clues we have about the issues in terms of which we must live our lives....
...There are things we can do. One is to liberate ourselves by educating ourselves; learning to decode what we read. A trick loses its power once it's revealed for what it is. Once we've truly perceived the one-dimensional character of the picture our newspapers present, we're able to complement it with other kinds of awareness; if we see that we're being brainwashed into ignoring or marginalizing the most ultimate aspects of reality, that very awareness can turn our attention back towards those vital aspects.
It will not be easy; the picture coming at us from the papers can seem so vivid, so authoritative. So we will need to expose ourselves in depth to the alternative and 'entire' world-picture of the Bible, prayerfully and reflectively, if our thinking isn't going to be swamped, day by day. We will need to be reminded, in depth, 'what the world is really like', if we are to `decode’ rather than be deceived by the partial pictures from the news media.”
Check out the rest of his article here.

The question though, is how does what I read move from me being informed to it actually transforming how I take action, pray, or engage with the culture / world around me?

sunshine

So, the sunshine is a bit of a distraction at the minute... it IS lovely and went up to Knockagh monument after my exam today to clear my head and see the gorgeous view - but I have to say it always seems to arrive just in time for exam season! Think my verse for today/this week is....
"Whoever watches the wind will not plant, whoever looks at the clouds will not reap." Ecc 11:4
In other words, stop thinking about the sunshine and get back to the books! All I can say is that it better hold out till saturday when I finish!

Just thinking as I write a post about the weather that I have definitely been away from Africa for too long if I'm distracted by sunshine... ahhh...

The cyclone and earthquake this week put a different perspective on watching the wind. Watching the news tonight from Burma and China, I feel like sometimes my life can be so wrapped up in the trivial. But somehow I know God is still God in the earth-shattering storms at the other side of the world as well as in the mundane of revision and sunshine.

break

It has been one of those days where I have been perfecting the act of procrastination... it's a familiar, yet unpleasant feeling where I know the inevitability of my exams will actually happen next week whether I'm ready or not (not being the consensus today).... which is exactly why I should be off the internet and back at the books. Alas, I'm still here.

Just found a new song! It's called 'Break' It seems to reflect the mood I'm in...(and not in the sense of being on a study break). I think I need to explore Son Lux's other music a bit more... but after this week is over!! :) enjoy...


Ok, back to respiratory physiotherapy...

valleys and springs

And how blessed all those in whom you live,

whose lives become roads you travel;

They wind through lonesome valleys, come upon brooks,

discover cool springs and pools brimming with rain!

God-traveled, these roads curve up the mountain,

and at the last turn—Zion! God in full view!

Ps 84:5-7 (the message)



I love this verse... the recognition that life is full of both the lonesome valleys and the cool springs on this journey. Yet the amazing hope of what is ahead...

Speaking of mountain - the countdown has begun. 1 month till cape town... wahey! Here's link to photo below. Can't wait!

follow close behind

As I've been thinking about the mind over the last few days, it has led me to reflect on the mind of Christ. Helen Roseveare say this:

"Only as we are indwelt by the Holy Spirit, allowing Him to change us into the likeness of Christ, truly giving us the 'mind of Christ', that we might think as He thinks, love as He loves, weep as He weeps -- only then will we be motivated to move out, as Christ left heaven to become flesh and dwell among us. Only then will we be willing to be spent and not count the cost."

Thinking about Jesus coming among us and about the cost of following Him, I'm reminded, at the beginning of Lent, about Jesus' journey to the cross and His call for me to follow. I have part of a verse written on the front of my journal and it reminds me of that journey.
It says:
"my soul follows close behind you..." Ps 63:8 (The Living Bible)
I just love the image it creates of following... That's what I desire: to follow hard after God; to follow close to Him; to have more of the mind of Christ; to being willing to be spent and not count the cost in the coming days as I journey...

minding my head...

Just back from a crazy weekend wrestling with how my faith can engage with all areas of life because of the all-encompassing lordship of Christ. It was so good to be able to have space to just raise questions, have some questions answered and realise that i'm not alone in my fascination and desire to know more about the relevance of my faith in relation to a wide breadth to topics. To give you an example of the things that I discussed or thought about over the weekend (whether that was in a formal session or just over coffee/dinner etc) : philosophy, history of christian thought, what is a critical mind, reformation, calvinism & kuyper, moderism, post-moderity, biblical narrative, embryology research, abortion/pro-life, IVF, theistic evolution, the age of the earth, the faraday institute, dawkins/mcgrath debate, science & 'book' of nature, theology & the bible, psychology of pain, human rights, position/role of church in society, human worth, centrality of Jesus, women's rights, art&faith "caress and collide", music, expression, observation of society, colossians re:mixed, relationships, intelligence, missions, worship, resting in jesus, sovereignty of God... and I really could go on but you probably get the point. So much to think through- almost don't know where to start!

Then tonight, so blessed to meet up with a good friend and to talk honestly about life and the down-to-earth realities and decisions that we're both facing as well as airing some issues raised from the weekend. As much as I love stretching my brain, it's only in fellowship and friendship that all the head stuff is put in perspective and teased out into everyday life...

sara tavares

just found a musician i like. i think her search for reclaiming her identity through her music resonates with me. An interview in the guardian gives a bit of inside into her background and music. She says that her songs come to her like prayers.... "just me and my guitar, God and my imagination". anyway... here is sara tavares

politics and peace

For some reason, I'm fascinated with the US elections at the minute. I'm not really sure why... I just find it so interesting... the issues, the personalities, the debates, the late night vote counts, the newspapers' analysis etc. Just to the get in the politics mood, I've watched loads of West Wing on my week off.. maybe a little too much... I feel like I still have Aaron Sorkin's quick dialogue bouncing around my head and feel as if I should be walking through corridors somewhere while discussing how to resolve the tragedy that's unfolding in Kenya. I've liked some of Obama's speeches this week... maybe it's cause i've been thinking about hope recently and he seems to talk about it all the time. Yesterday in his victory in SC he said, "While we breathe, we will hope..."

Talking about a different hope, CH Spurgeon said that "Hope itself is like a star... only to be discovered in the night of adversity."

*****
I've also been thinking about contentment today. I'm starting a new semester tomorrow and I do have a peace that I'm still in the right place... even if I'm sometimes still restless for something else, something more...
Francis Schaeffer said "When I am not contented, it's because I am not letting God be God, or I have ceased to be thankful."
On the other hand, Max Lucado states that "Unhappiness on earth cultivates a hunger for heaven. By gracing us with a deep dissatisfaction, God holds our attention..."

I'm not sure which of those two perspectives I'm thinking today... Maybe both: I need to let God be God, but continue to thirst too for the deeper, the higher...

So, back to Spurgeon, (who said that contentment is one of the flowers of heaven...) my prayer for the start of a new term is this:
"May there come over [my] spirit a deep calm as when Christ hushed both winds and waves. May [I] feel not only resignation to your will but delight in it."

hope

Over the last few months I've had a bit of the winter blues echoing the first few lines of this song Moving Pictures, Silent Film...

Oh wake me please when this is over
Oh when the ice is melted away
And the hunger returns...

I have to say that today, I feel awake and a hunger has returned. The ice is melting (even if I’m dreaming of the African sunshine). A new chapter-- I know it sounds cliché for the new year and all that, but somehow life seems more hopeful that it has in a while. I know I’m probably just swayed by feelings and tomorrow I may return to winter lethargy. But today I stand up and stretch, ready for all that is ahead. I can hear clearly the songbird of hope that Emily Dickinson talks about:

"Hope" is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops, at all

And sweetest, in the Gale, is heard
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land
And on the strangest Sea
Yet, never, in Extremity,
It asked a crumb of Me.

And I know hope does not disappoint. So, here’s to 2008 and HOPEfully a new start to this blog’s ramblings…