alone and community

"Let him who cannot be alone beware of community. Let him who is not in community beware of being alone..."

"Only as we are within the fellowship can we be alone, and only he that is alone can live in the fellowship."

"The more genuine and the deeper our community becomes, the more will everything else between us recede, the more clearly and purely will Jesus Christ and his work become the one and only thing that is vital between us."

Just some thoughts from Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Life Together that I read recently. He understood the need to both be in community and yet still to be able to be alone... I'm craving community at the minute and just feel like I'm floating a bit. But at the same time, I have so much to learn about being alone before God... learning the freedom to be alone...

"What a man is alone on his knees before God, that he is, and no more."

-Robert Murray M'Cheyne

i need something

I feel a bit like I'm jumping on the bandwagon with this song/music... but I like this guy (and his dreadlocks!). Don't really know exactly what he's talking about, but feel as if people/society often identity with this idea of longing for 'something to believe in.../someone to put (their) trust in'. check out newton faulkner's 'i need something':


it's got me thinking about music and its influence on my life. I tend to listen to music/go in search of new music that fits with how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking about. But maybe as the guy below suggests, maybe songs like this are trying to get at the core of who we are but are only telling one side of the story without any hope...
or maybe it's just music... or maybe I'm just procrastinating doing my back pain essay thinking about it.

area boys*

i really want to see this film... but not sure how i'd get hold of it.
*check out this article for definition of 'area boys' ... although they're not just confined to lagos!

random facts!

So here are two random facts I learned this week…

From one my paediatric lectures on normal movement in newborns…
Did you know that babies are born with a reflex called the galant response… which means that when you stimulate the back extensors along either side of the spine that the baby does a little wiggle to the same side? It’s supposed to help during birth and then the reflex disappears between 3-6 months!! How cool is that? (speaking of which…can’t wait to meet my wee niece or nephew in less than a month!)

From one of my oncology lectures… (stood out for me i think because of my interest in both psychology & God stuff…) Researchers (Calhoun & Tedeschi) have coined the term post traumatic growth to describe when sometimes people dealing with trauma, such as cancer, can have positive “changes in how people think of themselves, their relationships with others, including all of humanity, as well as profound philosophical, spiritual, or religious changes.”
I think it resonates so much with the idea of perseverance producing character and character hope…

(i’m actually really enjoying my classes at the minute... yay!)

dream deferred?

A Dream Deferred
by Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up

like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore--

And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?

Or crust and sugar over--

like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags

like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

I remember reading this poem first when I was 17. I remember thinking that I didn’t really understand what he was talking about. I supposed at that age, I was just beginning to dream… I read this in the context of a play that I loved: A Raisin in the Sun.
I have days now, though, that I do feel as if some of my dreams have been deferred. I don’t know if it’s because I’m still a student and feel as if I’m always looking towards finishing this phase of my life…(even though I'm loving my classes at the minute!) But then sometime I think that my dreams were (and maybe are) so short-sighted and that I’m so impatient. What is the hurry? Why can’t I fully live in the present with all that is happening and all that I know God is teaching me. It comes back to the idea of ‘waiting for the Lord’. But then sometimes I wonder if my dreams are really just my dreams and that I need to be willing to wait for Him to show me what his dream is for me…
As long as in my waiting, I don't let dreams dry up like "a raisin in the sun . . ."

happy independence day!

Arise, O compatriots, Nigeria's call obey
To serve our fatherland
With love and strength and faith
The labour of our heroes past
Shall never be in vain
To serve with heart and might
One nation bound in freedom, peace and unity.

Oh God of creation, direct our noble cause
Guide our leaders right
Help our youth the truth to know
In love and honesty to grow
And living just and true
Great lofty heights attain
To build a nation where peace and justice shall reign.

Nigeria celebrates 47 years since independence today!! I still remember standing and watching the nigerian flag being raised by the fifth graders on top of the playground at my school every single friday... and another the flag flying every day in the centre of the school carpark... my passport may not say nigeria but my heart is still connected to this great nation. The second verse of this anthem is part of my prayer for nigeria... for truth, love, honesty, justice, peace...

sweet goal

home

Stand in the mirror you look the same
Just looking for shelter from the cold and the pain
Some want to cover, safe from the rain
And all I want is to be home

i'm loving this song today. i don't know... maybe it's just because it's talking about home...

Home by Foo Fighters

from this misty lowland

can't believe summer is nearly over but the chill in the air, my first cold of the season and (another!) university registration have convinced me it really is true. but i'm still reflecting/lingering over some stuff i read in nigeria before the excuses of busyness and more physio books take over my life again... Tozer is the kind of writer that takes a long time to digest!! Here's a quote and a prayer from The Pursuit of God that have continued to resonate...

"To have found God and yet to still pursue Him is the soul's greatest paradox of love."
-AW Tozer

"O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, 'Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away.' Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long. . ."
-AW Tozer

how to paint

And we’re showing you how to paint, my love
To the numbers of our sycophantic applause
Are we teachers or thieves of souls, my love
Effecting the adventure of an inquisitive cause
Remember good is not always best, my love
There are times when God deplores it
Remember rules are not always wisdom, my love
There are times the devil settles for it
So let your imagination go mad my, love
Throw shapes and shimmy and shake
Create the most seductive intrigue, my love
That no other human being can make
Yes, smash the lines that we colour within
Put your soul and this world at odds
Become the provocative agitation
And the glorious beauty of the wildness of God.
- steve stockman, 2002

don't be good

I have Fionn Regan’s song Be Good or Be Gone stuck in my head. I actually really like his sound… and his video of this song (below) is amusing!! That is in spite of the fact that I’m a bit sceptical of musicians that seem to get some of there initial fame via Gray’s Anatomy…but I'll have to forgive him for that.
Although I like it, there’s just something about the words that grate. I’m not really even sure what he’s talking about in the song, but I think it’s the phrase “Be good” that has got me thinking.

It makes me think back to my days of listening week in, week out to Steve Stockman… especially when he used to talk about another musician - Rich Mullins, who’s trademark autograph was “Be God’s” (as opposed to be good…) trying to get away from the idea that we have be good to be loved and accepted by God… If you have no idea what I mean check out this article by Stocki.

(by the way... fionn regan's coming to the empire on nov 11...)

The Road

Just finished a book called The Road by Cormac McCarthy. I only bought it on Saturday but it has intrigued me... so I had to finish it quicker. It’s one of those books that, on the face of it, is completely depressing, with no sense of hope or direction or even clear storyline. But it manages to still show beauty through the use of language and the depiction of the relationship between a father and son. In a funny way, it is a case of reverse psychology. By presenting a world that is mostly terrifying and ugly and a future that is utterly bleak, it emphasises the few portrayals of goodness. It also makes me reflect more on the wonder of our “real” world and maybe even makes me think about the hope of heaven in complete contrast…

McCarthy writes… “All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one’s heart have a common provenance in pain.”

I went for a walk along the shore when I finished the book today. I think that the sea was that little bit bluer and the world even more beautiful than I remember…
The song on the radio is blaring Biffy Clyro’s line… I’ve forgotten how good it could be to feel alive…

pilgrim

"Then came the sound of a musical instrument, from behind it seemed, very sweet and very short, as if it were one plucking of a string or one note of a bell, and after it a full clear voice - and it sounded so high and strange that he thought it was very far away, further than a star. The voice said, Come. Then John saw that there was a stone wall beside the road in that part: but it had (what he had never seen in a garden wall before) a window. There was no glass in the window and no bars; it was just a square hole in the wall. Through it he saw a green wood full of primroses; and he remembered suddenly how he had gone into another wood to pull primroses, as a child, very long ago - so long that even in the moment of remembering the memory still seemed out of reach. While he strained to grasp it, there came to him from beyond the wood a sweetness and a pang so piercing that instantly he forgot his father's house and his mother, and the fear of the Landlord, and the burden of the rules. All the furniture of his mind was taken away..."
(excerpt: The Island, Pilgrim's Regress)
"The twilight was now far advanced and they were in sight of the brook...
Be sure it was not for nothing that the Landlord has knit our hearts closely to time and place - to one friend rather than another and one shire more than all the land."
(excerpt: The Brook, Pilgrim's Regress)
-CS Lewis

frightened panic or deluded lethargy

failure to worship consigns us to a life of spasms and jerks, at the mercy of every advertisement, every seduction, every siren. without worship we live manipulated and manipulating lives. we move in either frightened panic or deluded lethargy as we are, in turn, alarmed by spectres and soothed by placebos. -eugene peterson

super eaglets

wohoo! there is still hope for the future of Nigerian football as their U17 team just won the U17 world cup today in south korea! so we should win the real thing in a few years time, right?

moondust

I'm nearly finished reading this fascinating book, Moondust. It's a journalist who goes in search of the remaining nine moonwalkers... to learn how their lives, and ours were changed by this surreal adventure...

One quote that made me think... the author is asking a question that he thinks we all ask in some way...

"do i stick with life as I know it, be happy and content with the considerable challenge of appreciating and improving that, or shoot for the moon and risk being dissatisfied, finding that it wasn't what I expected, or that nothing else can ever match it afterward?"

**

the moon was really bright last night... and reflecting on the water... maybe i only noticed because i've been thinking about the moon...

back again...

it has been so long since i wrote anything on here… hard to know where to begin again… in some ways feels as if I’ve never been away, but 2 ½ months later… the calendar, my journal and a few pictures prove I was…

it was so good to be home again. not sure how much i want to write about it all. we’ll see. just is still home… loved the hospital, the driving, the smell of nigeria, the thunderstorms, the worship, the time to run, read, reflect on life… the perfect summer in some ways.

now in an office job and back to reality till uni starts… is going ok but good reminder of why I don’t want to be in an office for the rest of my life!

i probably will quote some of the random stuff i read over the summer over next wee while. one quote sticks out…
"had any other condition been better for you than the one in which you find yourself, then divine love would have place you there." –c.h. spurgeon

jeremiah gyang

ok... so i'm getting in the mood for some nigerian music again before i go.. check out this guy- jeremiah gyang from my home town. he's got a cool voice and sings most of his stuff in hausa. can't find youtube clip with him but listen to his song na ba ka on his myspace. 2 days to go!

home

i'm really looking forward to going home. "home"...one of those ominous words for me because it's not very clear cut... i still cringe when people ask me where i'm from or what my accent is because i have to decide how much to explain of my life. i think now i could say that belfast is feeling more like a home, but nigeria will always have that true home feeling... especially as long as my parents are there. sometimes i think that i have too much of an idealistic perspective of home though... just because i had this unique and very happy childhood. i know that every time i go back it will always be different. most of my friends are scattered round the world. i don't know many people besides family friends. i don't 'fit' as i know i'm not nigerian and yet i'm not really irish either. but, five years on... i still love going back. it's as if i can just be myself again with no pretenses. i guess that's why it still feels like my home.

kate walsh

i'm heading home in 10 days... can't wait. has been a crazy few weeks of placement and only one week more to go. so ready for the summer to start.
have been listening to kate walsh quite a bit this week... good music to just chill too at the end of a long day :) she's actually in belfast at auntie annie's on wednesday so i'll have to see if i can persuade someone to go hear her with me.

elections and easter...

nigerian elections start tomorrow. praying for peace.

2 things i've been thinking about over easter...

'the death and resurrection of Jesus are precious not because they turn my life into a string of successes but because they keep me from collapsing under my string of failures'

'if we could keep in view the risen Christ as he really is, our bottomless appetite for beauty & greatness & wonder would find satisfaction and our lives would be unending worship and joyful obedience' (j piper)

i am resting...

Ever lift Thy face upon me
As I work and wait for Thee
Resting 'neath Thy smile Lord Jesus
Earth's dark shadows flee
Brightness of my Father's glory
Sunshine of my Father's face
Keep me ever trusting resting
Fill me with Thy grace

Jesus I am resting resting
In the joy of what Thou art
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart

*this is part one of Hudson Taylor's favourite hymns... he was a pretty amazing guy. saw his life story acted out recently and it was so challenging... true image of what it is to give your life for the sake of christ. jesus i am resting...

main events

so, it's been too long. the main events?
1. i'm going to be an aunt before the end of the year... i'm so excited!! i think auntie anna has a ring to it... ;)
2. my sister left the country yesterday for 5 months so i have a very quiet house... :(
3. flights are booked to go home for the summer :)
4. this week brought about an historic moment in this wee country...one of those history book moments. a glimmer of hope and a change of tone. bring it on... :)
5. summer is on it's way with the clocks changing... (even if there was snow a week ago!) :)
6. i have more exams in a few wks... :(

so, goods and bads. but the goods outway the bads.
had lots on my mind this week. hate goodbyes or maybe it is that i dont like change. it always makes me contemplate everything else that's going on a bit more, but i guess that's probably a good thing instead of getting too comfortable with the status quo...

your hands

my times are in your hands... psalm31:15a even though the day be laden

and my task dreary

and my strength small

a song keeps singing

in my heart

for i know that i am thine

i am part of thee

thou art kin to me

and all my times

are in thy hands

-alister mcclean

election time

so it's election time tomorrow...still trying to figure out who has my vote if i'm honest. will be interesting to see what the week holds...will it be a step forward? i hope so.

in the midst of it all, one verse that the EA website have been reflecting on is this:
"the first thing i want you to do is pray. pray every way you know how, for everyone you know. pray especially for rulers and their governments to rule well so we can be quietly about our business of living simply, in humble contemplation. this is the way our Saviour God wants us to live." 1 tim 2:1-3 (the message)

there's another election in april that's been on my mind the last few months and may prove to be more significant. nigeria. if all goes smoothly, it will be the first time one elected leader will succeed another.

but i can't vote in that election.. and can vote here tomorrow. i mentioned a wee while ago i got to meet a few politicians and ended up our chartered society of physio magazine...proposing a different kind of manifesto.
(i'm third from left along with some uup, alliance, sdlp and sf reps). it helped to hear them talk about their policies on health which is something i'm interested in. remains to be seen if it swayed my vote...

T.I.A. or is it?

I finally got around to seeing Blood Diamond over the weekend. I think I wanted to see it because of where it was set and so many people have recommended it. Parts of it made me cry… don’t know if some of the issues were too close to home. Human life seeming so cheap. The struggle for power, money regardless of the cost to the country…
One quote stuck with me when Danny says,
"Sometimes I wonder if God will ever forgive us for what we've done to each other..."
Which is an honest wrestling with the consequence of war and death, how our relationship with our neighbours is linked to our relationship with God. But then he goes on to say,
"Then I look around and I realise... God left this place a long time ago."
I think this is the attitude of a lot of people these days. When things like the tsunami, Iraq, Sudan, AIDS are discussed people come to the conclusion that somehow because of suffering in the world, that God must not be in control… But that’s a narrow view of the purposes of God… the sovereignty of God… the character of God. Not saying we should still fight for justice to be down and for his kingdom to come on earth…but in the midst of that, we can hold on the fact that he is still in control.

There were a few things I didn’t really like about the film. The ending made a hero out of someone who really was just as corrupt as everyone else. It also portrayed the country and most of the people corrupt, violent etc. The ending seemed to be wrapped up too neatly or something… one article put it this way, “Like so many others, Blood Diamond also closes a few scenes in which justice is seen to be done - not in Sierra Leone, but in a nice European or American courtroom. Things in Sierra Leone probably aren't a whole lot better, but at least audiences can go home reassured that another global problem in a far-flung country has been fixed thanks to the movies. Maybe now they can go on holiday there.”

I wish that they had actually filmed it in Sierra Leone. I also left feeling like the answer to the problem is that the West should stop buying diamonds (as a few of my friends have already stated they will never get a diamond engagement ring etc). But surely in a country like Sierra Leone who is still reliant on a lot of foreign aid, the diamond industry could be part of helping them increase trade (while keeping in line with human rights issues / fairly traded / not conflict diamonds etc). I know it wasn’t a documentary or a true story or anything, so it’s always going to have a slant.

Anyway, still a good film trying to address some important issues. Maybe awareness can make an impact. Sometimes I struggle with the idea that awful events/wars/violence have been made into entertainment / money-making industry etc.

Speaking of Africa, I think I’ve decided to go back for the summer… to Kogi State this time as well as home (Jos)… Kogi state is around the state capital Lokoja on the map- where the 2 rivers Niger & Benue meet… in case you want a geography lesson! can’t wait already… need to start looking at flights. looking forward to some TIN factor as we say. this is nigeria…

duke special

wishing i had made it to duke special gig today in the ulster hall. alas, i had another commitment... good to see him doing well... few years on from booley days :) check out his website for a few free songs (if you don't have them already...)

ever feel like this?

random thoughts...

my sister and i recently discovered a new shop in the centre of town that sells nigerian food...(a first for belfast as far as i know!!) very exciting. they have everything from yam, plaintain, beans, egusi seeds, pepper, maltina, chocolate milo to indomie... so we've had some rice, stew & plantain although not quite the same as home... pepper of course is the key ingredient...

it has not been a good week for arsenal in europe or carling cup although the young boys definitely had arsenal's characteristic flare yesterday so at least the future is bright. hanson's view on it is, "if arsenal had won, it would have been one of the greatest managerial achievements we have seen in the english game. even in defeat, it still goes down as a remarkable feat by wenger and his young players." too bad our captain for the day had to get sent off with a few others (deservedly!) and end the game on a sour note! still a great game though. ireland's fabulous win is a bit of consolation.

went to belfast's lyric theatre on friday with a friend to see Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing (pretending to be cultured!) it was well done - only seven men in the cast and it was a very simple stage/props which made for an interesting interpretation/parts swapping/guys playing girls etc. has some great lines... "Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more. Men were deceivers ever. One foot in sea and one on shore, to one thing constant never. Then sigh not so but let them go and be you blithe and bonny, converting all your sounds of woe into hey nonny nonny..."
(if you're ever in a shakespeare mood, i'd recommend (though havent seen it in yrs!) the film version of this made in '93 directed by kenneth branagh with emma thompson, keanu reeves, densel washington etc in it...)

random song for the day... guillemot's 'we're here' i love this song!

links

just a few sites that i've found relating to lent. the website sacred space has prayer ideas all year round but if you've never checked it out, lent might be a good time to...

christian aid has an interesting guide for reflection, prayer and giving called count your blessings- lent2007 and they say "the 40 days of lent are a unique opportunity to reflect on all we have, and to turn our attention to those around us in need..."

also, last year the CCCI produced materials called out of the ordinary to use at lent which provides a different perspective if you're interested
*picture from ccci material

lent

After a crazy weekend away, in the midst of a crazy day... I've been thinking about lent today... saying it's starting tomorrow. I'll try to blog some of my thoughts over the next few weeks in relation to lent but in the meantime, here's a random collection of quotes and things i've been thinking about...

***

God of all seasons,
in your pattern of things
there is a time for keeping
and a time for losing,
a time for building up
and a time for pulling down.
In this holy season of Lent,
as we journey with our Lord to the cross
help us to discern in our lives
what we must lay down
and what we must take up,
what we must end
and what we must begin.
-Book of Common Order
***
May this lent be for you
a time of addition as well as subtraction,
a time of commission as well as omission.
***
My prayer for the Christian church is that God might awaken in us a hunger for himself—a new fasting. Not because we haven’t tasted the new wine of Christ’s presence, but because we have tasted it and long, with a deep and joyful aching of soul, to know more of his presence and power in our midst.
-John Piper – A Hunger for God
***
Lent can become a time when material things are put again in their proper secondary position; when we see in the spiritual the unconquerable forces of life. It can become a time of self-examination, when we reflect upon our present position in the pilgrimage and check our directions. It can become a time of personal readjustment, not through mental resolutions to do better but through yielding ourselves afresh to the God who demands to be obeyed. And it can become a time when, by following the battered path to Calvary, we identify ourselves once again with the Saviour who makes all things new.
***
“Lent is supposed to be a time when we review our spiritual life, think again about what it means to be a follower of Christ, reset the compass of our discipleship and prepare ourselves to celebrate the Easter festival. But often we just give up biscuits”
(Stephen Cottrell, I Thirst, p. 12)

***
Father in the life of Jesus you have shown us the way.
Give us his spirit of self-discipline;
Lead us more deeply into the way of the cross.
Before his hands were stretched out on the cross,
They were stretched out in love to children, women and men.
May your way of the cross be our way
That we, too, may stretch out our hands in love to all.

***

In repentance and rest is your salvation
In quietness and trust is your strength.
Isaiah 30:15

leeds & love...

i'm heading to leeds for a physio conference over the weekend so i'm really hoping that the crazy windy weather we had today has died down. have been on plenty of planes but i prefer big planes rather than these little city hoppers if it's windy!

as it's valentine's weekend, our conference (before we get into the slightly tedious mtg part on sat/sun) is kicking off with a fancy-dress disco and speed-dating... sounds like my idea of a nightmare but i'm determined to join in for the craic! mostly will people i dont know and will probably not see most of them again ever/or until conference next yr.. and everyone will be looking silly; if you're not dressed up will you'll be the one who stands out! my region (ni & scottish uni reps) have decided to go as cartoon characters. hmm.. remains to be seen if i'll post any photos but should be an interesting night all the same :) hopefully picture's will not go down on record as the most professional day of our careers...

for a wee cheesy romantic song for the week... i'm loving declan o'rourke's song 'galileo' today...

charles haddon

for some reason, i've been thinking about my grandfather today. he was such a godly man and i wish i had known him better. his first/middle names were charles haddon after charles haddon spurgeon. i wonder if being named after someone like that had any influence on his life, his choice of career (preacher) etc. i remember he used to smile and laugh a lot. i remember when i was younger i talked to him on the phone on one of those rare occasions from nigeria and he said to me 'we have such a wonderful jesus'. i wrote in the back of my bible as if i knew if my granda thought so, i should maybe take this wonderful jesus seriously.

i recently read this quote from spurgeon:
"quietude, which some men cannot abide because it reveals their inward poverty, is as a palace of cedar to the wise, for along its hallowed courts the king in his beauty deigns to walk."

what is it about solitude/silence that makes us search our souls? why are we sometimes so quick to run away from it? does a fear of loneliness make us grasp for music, people, activity instead of being content to be alone, quiet... anyway, just something i've been thinking about! hoping to linger more in that palace of cedar...

time

there were two games played today that i was interested in... unfortunately only one of them went the way i wanted but it has to be said that the last 10mins of both matches proved to be crucial. ireland's heart-wrenching loss to france in the last minute (after all the hype about it promising to be a historic game at Croke Park) and arsenal's saving-face comeback from 1 down to win 2-1 to wigan at the emirates. who says sport's not exciting?



on another note, (although related to time!) i've decided i want to read some nigerian authors (maybe due to a bit of nostalgia as well as finding a friend's blog who is very into her nigerian literature...) so have just ordered a book called 'measuring time' by helon habila. Here's a review in the guardian for it... should bring welcome distraction from learning my cyriax's assessment of the peripheral joints...

psalm 23

The Lord na my shephard, i dey kampe.

E make me sidon for where betta dey flow and come put me next to stream make mai bodi thermacool.

E panel beat mai soul come spray am white, come dey lead me dey go through express road of righteousness sake of Hin name.

Walahi! if I waka pass where arm robber, 419 and juju people boku, come even join okada reach valley of the shadow of death sef, mai bodi dey inside cloth.

Your rod and staff nko?

Na so dem dey like back bone dey comfort me.

You don prepare Egusi and Pounded yam make I chop.

All mai enemies dey look waa waa.

You rub me for head wit vaseline intensive lotion.

Mai cup na River Benue wey overflow hin bank.

True true, betta life and mercy go gum mai back till I quench.

And man pikin go tanda for God house from lai lai to lai lai. Amen

* * * * *

*rough translation in pidgin that i found from the nigerian village square :)

*picture taken in nigeria by jim triezenberg

hey oh... no snow!

i don't know if i was the only one who got up and looked out the window this morning with a slight sinking feeling that there was no snow and just a grey gloomy day! i guess that's what the media's weather hype does. then radio1 kept playing 'snow' related songs on the radio just to rub it in... i think maybe it's because snow is still a novelty... not saying that i like the cold weather (bring on summer&longer days!) but just a wee bit of snow would be nice and maybe a snow fight with my neighbours who i still really havent met yet... :) who knows, might still come...

your hand in mine

i took a random week long trip to the states over thanksgiving last year. this is one of the songs that has stuck in my head from that trip (which included many hours in a car with an old friend (see right) driving from atlanta, ga to college station, tx!). you know the way a song can evoke a memory? i just love the way it builds up and also i think that having no words somehow makes it more moving or something. it by a band called explosions in the sky and the song is 'your hand in mine'. it's a wee bit long and not fantastic quality but you get the idea :)

politics of health...

so, i was at a very interesting meeting today organised by the chambre public affairs with a health spokesperson from all but one of the main political parties in northern ireland. it was really to talk about what their priorities in relation to health would be if there actually is a restored assembly after the march elections and also to give us (from various organisations) the opportunity to ask questions...
i was there with the csp representing all those physio students who know that there's a huge issue of physio graduate unemployment at a junior physio level all over the uk...
i asked my question (emphasising that it costs the NI taxpayer £35,000 to train me and that 7/10 physio graduates from UUJ last yr are still without a job..) "can i have a commitment that you will use whatever influence you have both now and in a restored assembly to resolve this issue of graduate unemployment as a matter of urgency... etc..."
to be honest, their answers were all so vague which is probably down to the fact that they are politicans and that they are answering/making commitments hypothetically as they're not actually in a running government at present! so while they agreed that it was an important issue, i'm not sure they will have an opportunity to do anything about it. the health minister in a new government will definitely have their hands full (see this article) so not sure they will care too much about the issue i wanted addressed. however, it definitely made me think that it's these kind of issues that we need the assembly for and the sooner the better. it'll be interesting to see what the next few weeks brings in relation to manifestos and whether there's a chance of anything going ahead...(maybe get some discussion going on the whole election issue here). at least today they were talking about something they could all agree on for once: the priority that healthcare should have in our society.

sunset

took a wee dander to the park today to watch the sun set. it is definitely my favourite time of day... when the shadows get longer and everything turns a funny colour before the sun disappears... there's something about going to the park by yourself that i love. it forces you to be quiet; it inevitably forces you to think about something other than the trivial.

yay for sunshine! even if it is still crisp and cold it gives a whisper of hope of spring being around the corner...

on a tangent...

i've just had one of those days when i've done the opposite of what i should have done!! the essense of procrastination. ahh!! besides a lovely lunch with two friends (one who just got engaged on monday!!) the rest of my day has been reading and thinking about really intriguing topics in relation to science and faith... instead of reading my lovely textbooks. grrr... it's kind of opened a can of worms in my head so to speak, in that i really want to know more about this topic. lots of big concepts that i need to figure out in relation to things like critical realism, anthropic principle, theistic evolution, intelligent design, scientific theology... etc. not sure whether i should just put the lid on the can for the time being until i get some real studying done or whether to pursue this issue (admittedly mostly via wikipedia and other bloggers..) now. my one consolation in a day of procrasintation is that it wasnt just with mindless tv and i suppose i could always say it's slighty related to my course in that it's loosely related to science!! dont think that argument will cut it with my lecturers tomorrow somehow! maybe need a good face-to-face with real people debate about some of the issues before i rant on here without really knowing what i'm on about.

mediastorm

a friend recommended this website... she's a photographer in atlanta :) it has cool ideas to do with photojournalism / multimedia etc... really fascinating both in relation to the content as well as the variety of styles used.. i honestly dont know anything about this field but think it's so interesting... using photography to tell a story. the one on AIDS called bloodline really hit home. anyway, check it out!

who is he?

i've had a song stuck in my head today. it asks questions i think everyone longs to be answered. ok, so maybe it seems too simplistic; maybe the answer seems too contrived; maybe the questions are too self-centered. but maybe we make life more complicated than it really is. do i recognise the one who is everything i need? the second verse goes like this:

who is he that makes me happy?
who is he that gives me peace?
who is he that brings me comfort?
and turns the bitter into sweet?
who is he that turns my passion?
who is rising up in me?
who is filling up my hunger
with everything i need?

creator god, he is Yahweh; the great I Am, he is Yahweh; the lord of all, he is Yahweh...

happiness

one of the economic lecturers at my university has just published a study that found that money can't buy happiness. see a short review of his findings here. kinda feel like saying, really? duh!? but then i guess society goals are often very much focused around increasing income. he doesn't seem to mention religion at all... i wonder if he even included it in the survey? not that i'm saying that all 'religious' people are happy.. but in my psyc of religion module we looked at studies that have found the feeling of 'closeness to god' correlates to happiness (pollner, 1989); having firm beliefs or 'existential certainty' correlated with life-satisfaction (ellison, 1991); increased feelings of meaning and purpose in relation to happiness (chamberlain & zika, 1988). i guess he's coming from a economist perpective not a psychological; although in this case it's related. anyway, just interesting when concrete research points out things that jesus already talked about (matt6.19); life is more than just getting as much money as possible as if that will make you happy...

happiness is one of those funny words anyway. what does it mean? is it different for everyone? can you really measure happiness? hmm... need to get out my psyc books more often :) but they probably only give one side of the story anyway...

here's part of a poem by steve stockman called 'the swing of the pendulum'

Between tradition and change
Between mayhem and bored
Between actions and words
Between destitute and to horde
Between soft mercy and working hard
Between content and never could be
Between the moment and forever
Between blind trust and what you see
Between inferiority and pride
Between your grace and what I confess
I ride the swing of the pendulum
To the balance of happiness.

monday morning...

i'm back to class in the morning... hoping to make a dent in these two books over the next few weeks. i'm actually really looking forward to it - slightly suprisingly. maybe it's because i feel like i've had a proper break this time and done nothing course-related for two weeks! i'm anticipating we'll be stretched a bit more this semester than we have been, mostly because of different lecturers and more practical learning which requires you know the theory first and then apply it. we'll see!








on a side note, i love the fact that i can see the water out my living room window...

naija

kai, i miss nigeria today. maybe it's more amplified because my sister's there and i'm not. don't know. i hate it when people ask the question 'what is nigeria like?' as if could sum up the country and all my memories a brief monologue. i went looking for nigerian comedians on youtube today.. more to listen to pidgin than to be entertained i think. there are some funny guys out there but wish there were more online. maybe with the increase of technology etc, there will be. one guy talks about nigerian films here (just excuse some of his lang). pretty funny although he paints them in a slightly negative light; i used to love watching them with my mum. a friend posted on this a while ago; if you know what i'm talking about read this. if not, you've missed out!

anyway, another thing i miss is singing songs that you can dance/clap to (not bature clapping either ie: one clap per beat) ... sometimes i just get fed up with how we 'worship' here. it seems so stilted; so formal. funny how culture shapes how we express ourselves. anyway, check out clip if interested. good for a wee dance around the livingroom when nobody's around :)

come on the gunners...

you see, i'm a bit of an arsenal fan and henry fan. this guy is amazing and this goal is one of the sweetest team goals i've seen in a long time...

truth?

I read this article today that made me think about the role of the church in society and also thinking about ‘truth’ and values… how can people say that there is no truth and truth is all relative yet enforce tolerance on everyone even if it contradicts belief/moral values?
The journalist was asking these questions:

“Do faith institutions have a legitimate role in public life in a largely secular country? Are faith institutions subject to the laws of the land even when those are contrary to their own beliefs and doctrine? Does the state recognise the "rights of conscience" in the phrase used by the Archbishop of Canterbury in his letter to the prime minister?
There are other issues are at stake in this confrontation. How does a culture of immense diversity find accommodation between very different sets of values - what kind of tolerance do we allow and what values are allowed to trump others' cherished values? And when values are changing so rapidly - from illegality to gay rights in little more than a generation - how do you ensure that a new consensus is given time to develop, or are you entitled to steam ahead, confident of your moral superiority?”

How can we stand up and say that we believe that there is absolute truth? How do you go about doing that in a society that is ready to jump on anyone who claims to have truth…

Schaeffer discusses it like this…

“We must acknowledge and then act upon the fact that if Christ is our Saviour, he is also our Lord in all of life. He is our Lord not just in religious things and not just in cultural things such as the arts and music, but in our intellectual lives, and in business, and in our relation to society, and in our attitude toward the moral breakdown of our culture. Acknowledging Christ’s Lordship and placing ourselves under what is taught in the whole Bible includes thinking and acting as citizens in relation to our government and its laws. Making Christ Lord in our lives means taking a stand in very direct and practical ways against the world spirit of our age as it rolls along claiming to be autonomous, crushing all that we cherish in its path.”

(Francis A. Schaeffer, The Great Evangelical Disaster, Ch. 1)

Piper, when discussing truth states…

"If the supreme, Creator God exists, then there is Truth with a capital T. God is simply there, and he must be taken as he is. We do not make him or shape him or define him. He makes all things. He shapes. And he defines. So we come into a universe that is full of givens. God is simply there. And he has made the world one way and not another way. And he and his ways are the truth. That is what you embrace when you embrace the supremacy of God….”

“The Bible says, that, except for the gracious work of the Holy Spirit, our hearts always tilt one way: we suppress the ultimate objective truth outside ourselves and we choose to create our own. This is ultimately why the supreme God of the Bible is rejected. If he exists, he is absolute Truth and we must yield to him, and define good and bad, right and wrong, beautiful and ugly, true and false, wise and foolish, and our very selves according to him and not according to us.
God is the measure of all things, not man.”

(sermon: challenging the church and culture with truth, 1996 Piper)

the quotes from schaeffer and piper are more about truth rather than relating to this particular issue but i think it's related. I’m sure the debate will rage on… just not sure of my role/response to the whole thing… or is the debate more about church vs state rather than tolerance vs truth?

i wish...

i have a new addition to my living room which i'm very excited about... i can say that i'm a bit rubbish at actually playing it but i still love playing anyway, especially at random times of the day or night when i just feel like escaping from the day to day happenings. . . i wish i could just sit down and play anything i wanted; doesn't everyone though? i think it's a bit like wishing you could fly. you know it's impossible (unless you're one of those really gifted people) but it doesnt mean you can't dream, right?

drink life to the lees

I cannot rest from travel: I will drink
Life to the lees...

Yet all experience is an arch wherethro'
Gleams that untravell'd world, whose margin fades
For ever and for ever when I move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnish'd, not to shine in use!
As tho' to breathe were life!...

excerpts from Tennyson's Ulysses

i remember the first time i read this poem. there just seemed to be lines/phrases that jumped off the page at me. it was my senior yr of high school, sitting in the classroom with the faint breeze blowing through the room as we dipped into the world of literature...a place that somehow has been forgotten in the midst of my science-based degrees... it was a few months before my class were all about to graduate and scatter across the world.. and the dream of seeing more of the world and experiencing what it had to offer beyond the confines of the strange existence that was our community / bubble seemed both terrifying and intriguing. i longed then as is still do to 'drink/life to the lees'. (defintion of lees: Sediment settling during fermentation, especially in wine; dregs.) it seemed to capture in a fresh way the adage of living life to the full; life in all it's fullness.

Somehow, now that i've been in the same city for the best part of 4 1/2 yrs (with random travel thrown in), i think i view this poem slightly differently. Not that i don't still have itchy feet for new experiences/adventures/travel but i think that it is still possible to strive 'drink/life to the lees' and to not 'rust unburnished' while remaining in one place for a time. is it stretching the essence of this poem to think about it as talking about life being a journey?... and the longing not being too content with how things are.. not to 'rust' in relation to friendships, challenges, seeking to know god more... or maybe tennyson was just talking about ulysees or just about travel (go read all of it sometime). and my interpretation may be just making it say what i want it to... nevertheless, i long for more ambition and passion in life that this poem portrays and as tennyson closes...

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

my father's world...

i had an interesting conversation today...just made me think. we were talking about if we had one question that we wanted to ask god and that he would answer, what would it be? (i know, sounds like a strange question to have a conversation about!) i guess some of us would hypothetically ask trivial or obscure things about the world, or science etc whereas others may ask the big philosophical questions about death and suffering. the guy i was having the conversation said that he would ask, what did the future of the human race look like... in other words, about the future... what's going to happen to the world? how far will science advance? will life get better/worse? are we progressing?
i guess i've not thought about it that way. of course all of us would like to know the future in some shape or form, to know what decisions to make now, to see what life will be like... but i've never really thought about the question the way he put it. i guess with all the talk of global warming, environmental disasters, the increase in hurricanes/tsunami/droughts (see http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/6288445.stm - bbc article on nigeria that i read today) etc it is something that is coming more to the fore in the media. but i'm not sure i've thought about asking god about.
i believe he is in control of everything and therefore he must be in control of nature. also as creator, he knows all in relation to science/physics as it is all his work. so he knows what will happen in relation to the human race/the world...
in the same way, i do believe that he is in control of the mess that seems to be iraq even though reading the news makes the idea that his purposes are ultimately being fulfilled hard to chew...

the other thing the conversation made me think about was whether, if this world/this life was all there was to look forward to, maybe i would be more concerned about the preservation of planet for generations to come etc... but because i believe there is more to life than this world does that make me less concern about the natural world? do i switch off more than the average joe bloggs when climate change comes on the news because of my faith in 'something more' and the idea that 'this world is not my home'? yet surely because i believe in god, should i not be even more ready to stand up and fight ecological sustainability, preservation etc because of the view that we are caretakers of this world and actually the idea that 'this world is not my home' means the world actually god's which he has given to us for a time to care for?
it seems this is a debate that has been taking place in the states, and some evangelicals have actually gone again bush's policies up to now addressing (or not addressing!) global warming... so maybe they will have a voice in the future. (see http://www.ncccusa.org/news/14.02.05theologicalstatement.html

anyway. that was a bit rambling. what do you think?

why?

so, i've been thinking about why i started this blog...
1. i guess i could be really philosophical about it and quote socrates who said that 'an unreflected life is not worth living' and that i want to have a concrete place to think, to make myself reflect on life instead of just moseying thoughtlessly through life...
2. another reason is that i have time this week :) a week off before getting back to classes and the joys of student life...it's kind of that feeling before you're starting back afresh to classes (or anything new) when you make sure you're ready, you have new notebooks and new pens (ha, remembering 1st day of school at crest...) and maybe this is part of the process this time...
3. my sister just got on a plane yesterday to go 'home' and i'm wishing i was going with her...so this may merely be a distraction from wishing i was with her...
4. i'm anticipating the next few months to be quite busy, but still have a nack for procrastinating what i really should be doing at all costs...this may be prove to be part of my procrastination!
5. i think i actually can be quite opinionated about things, about how i see the world.. i love a good debate over a cup of tea, so maybe this will be another place to voice what i think, although realising i'm probably wrong about many things...
6. it's also a new year and i think at the start of the year, it's always a time to stop, think, readjust, try something new... it remains to be seen if it's just a fad/new yr resolution that will fade mid february :) or be something i actually keep up...watch this space!

i'm sure there are more reasons... but it's probably a mixture of all of the above.

the soul's expression... by e.b. browning

With stammering lips and insufficient sound
I strive and struggle to deliver right
That music of my nature, day and night
With dream and thought and feeling interwound
And inly answering all the senses round
With octaves of a mystic depth and height
Which step out grandly to the infinite
From the dark edges of the sensual ground.
This song of soul I struggle to outbear
Through portals of the sense, sublime and whole,
And utter all myself into the air:
But if I did it,--as the thunder-roll
Breaks its own cloud, my flesh would perish there,
Before that dread apocalypse of soul.


*****
ok, so starting a new blog today! not sure what it will look like but i just thought this poem captures the feeling of 'this song of soul i struggle to outbear'... how do you write something that really captures anything of who you are, what your thinking?? anyway, here goes... even if it is 'with stammering lips and insufficent sound'.