emotions

I had a great conversation over coffee with a friend today. We were talking about many things, but we started discussing emotions and faith. The psychology-freak in me probably makes me over-analyse on this one! This is what we discussed: I wonder if sometime we think that negative emotions are always seen to be a bad thing that we have to get sorted in order to be right with God/people? Do we say I’m down/angry/depressed at the minute, but I’m trying to get back to normal... (what is normal? coming from a psyc degree, we’re all on a spectrum anyway!) And sometimes, don’t you think that it is often our deepest, negative emotions that ultimately can draw us closer to God and point us to real hope. Maybe that sounds like a contradiction, but it’s just been something I’ve been thinking about over the summer too. It stems from two books I’ve just read: The Consolations of Theology which looks at various topics such as anxiety, depression, obsession, disappointment, pain etc from the perspectives of some great theologians, and The Cry of the Soul by two guys my dad studied with (here's one review). Some quotes to help explain what I mean:

“Anxiety is not something to flee from; but it is here, in the midst of the anxiety that is built into the fabric of our fallen world, that we can hear the promises of the gospel most sharply. It is here I am summoned to believe, to stake my all on the Son of God who loved me and gave himself up for me. -Kierkegaard

“In an important sense we must despair of all else in order to wholeheartedly rely on Christ and what he has done for us.” – Martin Luther

“Despair is an absence of hope – a loss of desire in the face of disappointment in relationship. Oddly, however, this difficult emotion can open the heart to grasp something about a hope that transcends mere human relationship. Despair can open the heart to taste hope in God.” Allender & Longman p145

“Don’t assume that resolving your turbulent emotions is the key to meeting God. It is actually within the inner mayhem of life that a stage is built for the intrusive story of His light and hope. The absence of tumult, more than its presence, is an enemy of the soul. God meets you in your weakness, not in your strength. He comforts those who mourn, not those who live above desperation.” Allender & Longman p27

I guess I’ve had one of those emotion-filled weeks... mostly negative. I’m not saying we should want to cling to those negative emotions, but I think I need to realise that in different seasons, it’s normal and maybe in the midst of when I’m struggling the most, ideas like grace and hope become so much more real. It’s completely different than some of the songs I remember singing as a child: like, climb up sunshine mountain/i’m in-right out-right upright downright happy all the time... What kind of crazy theology was that??

It’s back to a Spurgeon quote to round off this thought:
“What is my desolation? It is the black setting for the sapphire of His everlasting love.”

shared lives

“We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.” 1 Thess 2:8

I love this verse. Surely this is at the heart of everything: a life of love for each other that is reflected in mission and community. It's just figuring out what that looks like that's sometimes complicated...

419 or for real?

"A Nigerian consortium planning to bid for Newcastle needs to raise an "extra £50m to £100m" to buy the club, with owner Mike Ashley holding out for £400m." (Daily Mirror)

Ok, so this is the latest in the Newcastle FC saga... I just find it so hard not be sceptical about this "Nigerian consortium". I know Nigeria/Nigerians loves premiership football... you can watch the big matches in every town with electricity and everywhere you look around town, people are wearing replica football tops - mostly ManU, Chelsea or Arsenal ripoffs. I actually could watch more premiership football living in Nigeria than I can here. But I just can't quite believe some Nigerian group is going to pay to buy Newcastle! Craziness. I guess it's probably oil money just like Man City's new owners. Just smells a bit fishy (aka 419 as we say). Time will tell but I'll be following this story with interest! I just wish someone would pour £400m into Nigerian football development.

waiting with murray

I hadn’t heard much about Andrew Murray until this summer. And I’m not talking about the tennis player. I drove past a statue of him in Wellington, South Africa this summer on a mini road trip. Then he was the answer to a random question in a South African Trivial Pursuit game played in a wee backpackers. (We played for hours huddled up outside with our blankets and hot water bottles in Oudtshoorn, SA - the ostrich capital of the world apparently... I also learned the important information that day that ostriches eat stones!) The third time Murray came up was on my dad’s bookshelf in Nigeria. I always raid my dad’s hundreds of books when I’m at home and this summer was no exception. I read a book called Waiting on God by Murray (which I discovered is only one of his 240+ books). Much of what he said resonated with me. It seems like he had such a heart for abiding in/waiting on God... Talking about waiting he said this:

“This is the one thing we need. If we but saw our God in his love, if we believed that he waits to be gracious, that he waits to be our life and to work all in us—how this waiting on God would become our highest joy, the natural and spontaneous response of our hearts to his great love and glory.”

life's checkerboard

Just back from Nigeria. Read this prayer this evening which I feel like echoing...

"Thank You that I can safely commit my location and situation to You. I can 'be willing for You to shift me anywhere on life’s checkerboard, or bury me anywhere in life’s garden, gladly yielding myself for You to please Yourself with, anywhere and anyway You choose' (source unknown). Thank You that I can trust You with my future places - ready to go, ready to stay.
So I rest in the fact that You have me in this place for this day, and I praise You that You will faithfully guide me throughout life to just where you want me to be, as I seek to do Your will.

And most important of all is my place in You. How delighted I am to have You as my dwelling place where I can settle down, feel secure and be content anywhere on earth…You are my blessed home, 'where I can enter and be at rest even when all around and above is a sea of trouble' (Andrew Murray). How my soul delights to hide in the secret of Your presence…to take refuge in the shadow of Your wings, to eat at Your table, to drink my fill of the river of Your delights. How blessed I am, my King and my God, for You have chosen me, and brought me near, to live in Your presence, to behold Your delightfulness, to seek Your counsel…And to think that I will dwell in Your house forever!” - Ruth Myers