tell me the story

I want to echo the words of this song over the next few days.

'Sit with me and tell me once again
Of the story that's been told us
Of the power that will hold us
Of the beauty, of the beauty
Why it matters...'

(sara groves)

advent whispers

On this crisp winter’s morning
Waiting for a train.
Gazing in the direction of its coming -
Anticipating.
An announcement over the tannoy,
A promise of imminent arrival.
Train stopping – for me...
Stepping in, finding a resting place.
Waiting again –
But now with a destination.
A new perspective through train windows
In an ever-changing, fast-moving panorama.
A fresh sense of wonder at the beauty
As sunlight breaks through grey over Belfast.
Stopping only to bring others along on this journey...

I heard whispers of advent this morning.

Gilead

I just finished a book tonight called Gilead. I was one of those books I didn't really want to finish because I've been meandering through it a few pages at time over the last few weeks and I just wanted to drag it out a bit longer. I loved it. It's a book about beauty, grace, memories, family, love... mixed in with thoughts on age, death, regret, heartache, loneliness... It's written as a letter from a old pastor to his young son as he approaches the end of his life.

Here's a couple quotes I read tonight... (it's not all this intense!)

"There is no justice in love, no proportion in it, and there need not be, because in any specific instance it is only a glimpse or parable of an embracing, incomprensible reality. It makes no sense at all because it is the eternal breaking in on the temporal. So how could it be subordinate itself to cause or consequence?"

"There are two occasions when the sacred beauty of Creation becomes dazzlingly apparant, and they occur together. One is when we feel our mortal insufficiency to the world, and the other is when we feel the world's mortal insufficiency to us. Augustine says the Lord loves each of us as an only child, and that has to be true. 'He will wipe the tears from all faces." It takes nothing from the loveliness of the verse to say that is exactly what will be required..."

"Theologians talk about a prevenient grace that precedes grace itself and allows us to accept it. It think there must also be a prevenient courage that allows us to be brave - that is, to acknowledge that there is more beauty than our eyes can bear, that precious things have been put into our hands and to do nothing to honor them is to do great harm. And therefore, this courage allows us...to make ourselves useful."

Anyway, read it if you get the chance. It's was the perfect book for a night like mine - a quiet night in a cosy room with christmas lights. It made me laugh, cry, think and hope. The best combinations.

belfast city

I'm feeling hopeful tonight...



My church has a new pastor and he wanted this song played for his induction service tonight. My God is the God of this city that I've come to love... this song just resonated with new beginnings as a church and also with advent - to be able to look forward with expectation...

knowledge?

I read an article today trying to fight the voice in my head that’s telling me systematic reviews that have conflicting conclusions are completely pointless and discovered this random quote to ponder on a chilly winter’s evening:
“When you know a thing, to hold that you know it, and when you do not know a thing, to allow that you do not know it – this is knowledge.” –Confucius

Just thought I’d share :) I'm sure you're glad I did...

my hometown needs healing

I can't get my mind off my hometown of Jos, Nigeria. It's deja vu for this town - political/tribal/religious riots again have cost the lives of hundreds. I keep having flashbacks to September 7, 2001 when riots broke out in my senior year of high school (and 1000+ were killed). The gunshots, the army tanks firing, the smoke across the city, the not knowing what was happening over the wall or across town, the curfews, the burnt cars and buildings etc. It says on the news today that the hospitals are struggling to cope so I'm picturing the hospital in Jos where I've been over the last few summers - full of people needing medical attention... My mum is there today trying to help now that things are quieting down.

Why again? Why does life seems so cheap? Why does the world barely seem to notice?
I'm feeling helpless and far away. The daily routine somehow seems a little meaningless compared to the reality of people in Jos who have lost loved ones, homes and livelihoods etc.

On this first day of advent and on world AIDS day... my dad wrote from Jos in a quick email this morning - "Jesus is risen with healing in his wings..."

scribbled notes and old photos...

I learned something about my grandfather this week. I knew he was a man of God and man of prayer, but I think that I missed out on a lot of his wisdom by growing up 1000s of miles away from him. He died the year I moved to Belfast. This week, I raided his bookshelf (a trait I picked up at home). The thing I've discovered (which I love) is that my granda's theology books are full of wee scraps of paper and backs of envelopes that he scribbled notes on as he read, which are still scattered through the pages. I feel like I'm retracing his steps, seeing what resonated with him as he read. It makes me wish I had known him better.

One scrap reads, "the danger of introspection p19..." which led me to this marked quote:

"Our thinking about who we are as Christians should not begin with what we can discover about ourselves by self-analysis. Rather, it begins with what God says about those who trust in Christ."

Sinclair Ferguson's Children of the Living God

And underlined and written again at the top of the first page of the next book is scrawled, "union with Christ is the root of holiness" in J.C. Ryle's Holiness.

Speaking of the past... loads of old images/photos (from 1750s on) from LIFE have now been added to google... Here's one from belfast in 1941:

A view showing the junction of Royal Avenue and Donegall Place with the City Hall in the background. Photographer: William Vandivert

africa is a continent

Well, the US election drama, along with my constant need to be up-to-date with the latest political twist, is over and my life is returning to normal. It’s great. This video made me laugh though.


I’m sure there is probably a withdrawal feeling, although sad if in reality people put all their hope/trust in a person or political cause. I think the most amusing thing after the election was reading facebook statuses… which ranged from despair and resignation to overstated elation among my friends. I’m not going to wade into who I thought was best candidate, but with the latest information I’m glad Palin is nowhere near the white house: She didn’t know Africa was a continent?? Honestly, no comment. Obama’s win does feel historic and I have to admit I was moved to tears in the wee hours of Wednesday morning (although, I’ll usually cry if I see someone else crying so with Jesse Jackson etc, it was inevitable!).

Anyway, bring on change… even if the world’s not quite sure what that’s going to look like…

confession

I’ve been told confession is good for the soul, so here goes: I have election fever. I’m just a LITTLE bit hooked on what’s going on in the US presidential election. I just find it all so interesting... it’s just the drama of it and every day has a new twist that is torn to shreds with the pontificating analysis and over-analysis by the political blogosphere and media. For example, I stayed up to watch 3 out of last 4 debates (which is something I probably shouldn’t admit to). I’d like to say it was all worth it, but I guess I just wanted to watch the debates in real time, without the media spin the day after. Sad, I know. It’s kind of like being addicted to the west wing except this is the real deal. But sometimes, I think it might as well be a TV series to me for all the impact it actually has on my life... and the sooner it’s over, the better it will be for my dissertation (and general sanity).
Although, I was in the library for 8 hours today. That might be a record for the semester so far and there must be many more days like it as pay back for time spent reading political blogs... It feels like history in the making though... (yada yada - excuses, excuses....)

Too bad that NI politics does nothing to inspire me at the minute... probably should pay a bit more attention to what’s going on here these days besides the policing and justice who-ha/standoff. Guess we’ve had our fair share of drama and history-in-the-making over the years.
Ok, confession over. In the meantime, any suggestions for how to treat election fever are welcome!

3 highlights

3 highlights from the last few days...
1. Watching a film called 'Black' - amazing. You definitely should try to see if you get the chance.
2. Foy Vance live: all I can say is wow. Such a good night - loads of banter mixed in with the soulful depth in his lyrics/voice. Old and new stuff. Brilliant. The best way to start a week i'd say - definitely good for my soul.
3. Blue skies and sunshine ALL DAY today... wahey!

poverty and TB

These photos make me think about a patient from my few weeks in south africa... he was a quiet, subdued kind of guy... although maybe it was just he was fed up with hospital. He had TB which had affected his spine, so couldn’t move/feel his trunk or legs at all and found it impossible to change positions or sit up on his own. He was in a side room, isolated from everyone else in the ward for obvious reasons, staring at the ceiling all day. He always asked to be covered with about 4 blue hospital blankets because of the cold. I ventured in daily, complete with my mask, gloves and apron to do some passive stretching and repositioning – wearing the mask made me feel like I couldn’t communicate properly with him, couldn’t have a proper chat face to face, couldn’t smile at him...

The one thing I remember him saying was he couldn’t wait to leave the hospital and get back to the smaller community TB facility (where he had been before) - the main reason was he had people he could talk to there... there he didn’t have to be in an isolation room...

To me, the prevalence of TB is one clear example of the impact of poverty - when it is essentially treatable/curable. I know multi drug resistant TB is a different story, but the reasons behind its emergence also can be linked to poverty and the lack of adequate / consistent health care. And this is only one disease. I just wonder what the impact of the current global economic crisis will now have on things like the MDGs and the fight against poverty...

sense of wonder

Driving across town this evening Radio 4's series of The Color Purple just happened to be on and this quote just jumped out at me:

"Well, us talk and talk bout God, but I’m still adrift. Trying to chase the old white man out of my head. I been so busy thinking bout him I never truly notice nothing God make. Not a blade of corn (how it do that?) Not the color purple (where it come from?). Not the little wildflowers. Nothing."

It's so easy to get caught up with my theoretical views of who God is and what it all means that sometimes I miss the obvious things around me declaring his glory. It made me think of the Brennan Manning quote in The Ragamuffin Gospel....
"By and large, our world has lost its sense of wonder. We have grown up. We no longer catch our breath at the sight of a rainbow or the scent of a rose, as we once did. We have grown bigger and everything else smaller, less impressive. We get blasé and worldly wise and sophisticated. We no longer run our fingers through water, no longer shout at the stars or make faces at the moon.... We get so preoccupied with ourselves, the words we speak, the plans and projects we conceive that we become immune to the glory of creation."

(just one of the many glorious south african sunsets - plettenberg bay)